Ilreckon, I've noticed you posting a lot today about the downside of your 29 year marriage, and the failings of your wife. It's the first time you've really talked about this. I think there could be two things happening here, and I'm not sure which is the case.
Either, the separation is causing you to see what your marriage was truly like for the first time. It's making you realize it wasn't the rose tinted relationship you thought it was since d day.
I come to the realization that my affair has no justification, excuse, or right. It was wrong, period. I have been told by my BS in recent months, our pastor, and counselor, "Don't compare your situation with other couples." What happens with them is their situation, so I believe I am not comparing our process with other couples process. I am simply looking for hope, "How-To...", and testimonies of what other couples have experienced and done in their reconciliation process so that I can apply it to my situation but it seems that the only thing that is working is give your BS space.
Or you're angry. Really angry she hasn't taken your offer of reconciliation up. And this is then making you try to justify your affair by shifting the way you look at your marriage. A similar thing that cheating spouses do in the affair fog to justify their actions, except in this case you're justifying your anger.
I would not say angry, but frustrated because almost everything I do is rejected but not "thrown in my face". Example: I think I mentioned this above, while on vacation, we talked, we joked, we laughed, we teased, we even sat next to each other many times at dinner functions. Then when we were alone, let's say for a breakfast at the hotel we stayed at, her whole demeanor was 180' different. Another time we were shopping and she helped me choose clothes out, said I looked good in a particular shirt and or pants. Even while shopping, she saw that my arm was peeing from a previous sunburn and she wiped away the dead skin with her own hands with care but when alone, again a 180' difference. Angry, no, frustrated, yes.
I don't know which one it is, but my advice on each case would be different. If it was the first (your marriage was truly bad) then you need to really think about whether you want this marriage. Your wife has demonstrated she won't take you back easily. If she ever does she will want to see real changes in you. Are you ready to do all this for a marriage that doesn't seem worth fighting for? Do you think she will make the changes she needs to given past behaviour? A marriage takes two people to make it flourish, and if only one of you is willing to work at it, it will fail.
That is where I truly have to ask myself, am I willing to work on this marriage knowing that she may never change, never take me back, or take me back but the changes she makes will not take place for a LONG time? I cannot control her nor change her, but I have control and change of me. That is worth it to me. I just have a long of work on me to do so that when she is angry at me, I exemplify a Christ like attitude of Ephesians 5:25, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.": how could anyone love someone who constantly rejects them, I don't know but the love of Christ is my example to follow. Is it worth it, I believe so. I am going to counseling, dealing with my own behaviors, feelings, and emotions. I have set boundaries that are firmly in place and cannot allow me to stray again. I she never comes around, at least what I have done in my life will honor God.