Vacillating Show full post »
Keepabuzz
I have a pool. I have gone swimming and just went underwater and screamed......a lot..  like lose your voice a lot....
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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Vacillating
Wow. I felt like I was losing my mind. I want to yell or scream, but I can’t with the baby and 2 year old. One night I threw my phone across the room and broke the case off of it. I was just that frustrated and defeated. I’m glad I’m not alone in those feelings.
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midwestgirl
I whacked my hand against the counter when I was putting a cereal box away soon after D-day. My fingernail is still black and blue. People ask me how it happened. Well,... 

Some days, I can look at my hand and almost laugh and other days...the opposite.
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Vacillating
midwestgirl wrote:
Some days, I can look at my hand and almost laugh and other days...the opposite.

I can totally relate to that. The last few days I have been happy and laughing a lot, but then today I woke up from a bad dream and have been teary-eyed all day. It is what it is though. I just accept it as a part of the process. 
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arizons
Keepabuzz wrote:


I think this this explains the jealousy that some WS’s experience after D-day. While it makes no logical sense to we BS’s. I wonder if they think “after what I’ve done, who knows what my BS is going to do?”  I mean honestly, we are well within our rights to “Do”, just about anything within the confines of the law. 

Then again, I could be off in left field....

I think this is true because my WS after 1. D-day 2. while still was continuing with the affair and 3. because of bull-Crap the AP was putting in his head... was afraid that I would go off an cheat. which I never did nor will I do...but I told my husband 1. No, I have WAY more respect for myself... I would end our marriage before seeking a new relationship. 2. I find it hilarious that he was worried about me cheating when he clearly thought it was ok that he was doing just that thing.
Female BS, D-day 1/03/2017, 
I'm going to rebuild me like a remix,

and raise my soul like a Phoenix 
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Laurajean83
When I was in the midst of my affair I did have sneaking little thoughts wondering if my husband was also having an affair.  He seemed to mimic my new found distance, was constantly on his phone and seemed to mirror the behaviors I did like hiding the screen from me, or closing what He was looking at if I was able to see.  Of course my AP fanned that flame, says ya he probably was.  I knew it was preposterous...  It was preposterous that I was doing this and he was much better of an individual than me (still is).  But I didn't like the thought that he may be, but my mind couldn't reconcile the inconsistency so I just pushed it out of my mind.  

Anyways just saying the feeling the BS might also be having an affair is maybe kinda normal.  
WW, Dday 7 months ago

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.  Who can understand it.  Jer 17:9
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arizons
Damaged wrote:
Early after D day I hired a PI to get information about the AP as I didn’t feel my H was forthcoming enough. My H had told me I could hire a PI to monitor him. I wanted information about her. I told him and he was angry. That was the only night he slept in another room. I think he realized that he no longer had control or input over my actions ( as I didn’t over his). 

out of curiosity, did you ever have an PI get info on the AP?
Female BS, D-day 1/03/2017, 
I'm going to rebuild me like a remix,

and raise my soul like a Phoenix 
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Damaged
Yes, basic information. Possible phone numbers , addresses, family members with their phone numbers addresses, possible email addresses, arrest records ( none) bankruptcy ( none). It was very basic information but I did use it later to track phone calls after D day. 
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arizons
Damaged wrote:
Yes, basic information. Possible phone numbers , addresses, family members with their phone numbers addresses, possible email addresses, arrest records ( none) bankruptcy ( none). It was very basic information but I did use it later to track phone calls after D day. 

Good to know I am not the only one. I paid background website to get info on her and close family members...etc. I used it later too to contact her family and out her Affair with a Married man. In one way I am disappointed she is married or in a relationship to ruin that for her too but in another, I am grateful because my actions on telling all her friends and family didn't ruin another spouses life.
Female BS, D-day 1/03/2017, 
I'm going to rebuild me like a remix,

and raise my soul like a Phoenix 
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