Colt
Hello y'all. Wife of 13 years having ANOTHER affair on me. She's with him right now, and knows that I know. Knows that our kids know. She's lost all vestiges of morality . I know I gotta divorce her this time. I don't even know what good it does me to post this. I guess I'm just so very sad, and disgusted that I'm just venting. I just loved her so much for so long
Quote 0 0
Keepabuzz
Colt wrote:
Hello y'all. Wife of 13 years having ANOTHER affair on me. She's with him right now, and knows that I know. Knows that our kids know. She's lost all vestiges of morality . I know I gotta divorce her this time. I don't even know what good it does me to post this. I guess I'm just so very sad, and disgusted that I'm just venting. I just loved her so much for so long


At least there is no doubt about what you should do, your path is clear. I know it’s still very hard though. 
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
Quote 0 0
awaggoner1999
Colt wrote:
Hello y'all. Wife of 13 years having ANOTHER affair on me. She's with him right now, and knows that I know. Knows that our kids know. She's lost all vestiges of morality . I know I gotta divorce her this time. I don't even know what good it does me to post this. I guess I'm just so very sad, and disgusted that I'm just venting. I just loved her so much for so long

I am always dismayed when a BS encounters further betrayal and continued disregard.
 Be diligent of your own self care and boundaries. As unfortunate as it may be you are not alone in this challenge to make sense of it all and have some comfort knowing there is a community here to provide perspective and serve as a sounding board.
Quote 1 0
Colt
Thanks y'all. This time it's strange. I'm more sad about it than I was the first 5 times, but I'm not vomiting, and crying. I WANT to worse than ever but I'm like numb to it. It's the lowest A she's had so far. After the last one in 2015 she got baptized and started going 3 times a week to church. She's been telling people about the Bible and acting all concerned with "Gods will". It was all an act. Been texting and emailing since 2017 , and now she just spends most nights over there. OM is a three time convicted woman beater, and currently on parole. And 10 years older than us. I'm just disgusted.
Quote 0 0
Kiki
So sorry for you.
You have to do what is best for you and your children.  You don’t deserve that kind of disrespect.  Especially after all of the chances you had given her. You deserve to live YOUR best life, and unfortunately that may be without her. It is very hard but you will get through it.  I am currently in my second year of separation. My STBXH is with his long time AP.  It is still very difficult but I am doing much better. I have come to realize that I deserve more than he was ever willing to give me.  MY needs and self respect are IMPORTANT!  We can’t change or control anyone but ourselves.  You have to let her go. Put yourself first for a change.   God knows she has. You can not make her happy. She has to find happiness on her own. And it seems that she is trying to do this with no regard to you or your children. Is this someone you want to spend the rest if your life with?? 
D-Day#1 Dec 19, 2017
D-Day#2 Jan 13, 2018
5 year “on/off affair”
Separated

Married 25 years, together 35
Quote 1 0
JORGE
  1. Some people can't be saved by others. Sometimes they have to save themselves.  God can do it, but she never gave him a real chance. 
  2. Some marriages are salvageable. Others aren't. Deciphering the difference will require more of your head and less of your heart. 
  3. Some people are married and shouldn't be. Those who shouldn't be but are, have spouses and families who pay the price, literally and figuratively. You determine how high and how long the price is paid. This is in your hands. . 
  4. At some point, you have to determine what's best for you and your family. No decision will feel good, but one decision is always best and that is getting you and your family out of infidelity. Yes, your family is in infidelity also even if you have sheltered them. Your wife's actions have caused numerous reactions and the family has been impacted one way or another. Being under one roof doesn't ensure a healthy upbringing. A happy household(s) ensures a happy upbringing. If you've endured 5 affairs, you had your answer 3 affairs ago, but did not, could not or would not face this realization. There's no cure for serial cheating. It has nothing to do with you, nor can you fix it, or her. 
  5. Loving someone doesn't mean you should be with that person. The marriage part requires respect and trust with it. Without these pillars you have no relationship or marriage to speak of, just love by itself. Love by itself is just that, by itself. It stands alone as the foundation, but without the pillars of trust and respect, cannot be lifted, upheld, built upon or built to last. The pillars of trust and respect are prerequisites, not options or bonuses. You do not trust her and she does not respect you or the family regardless of what she says. Her love for you is even in question, quite frankly. Her actions speak for themselves. You now have to let your actions speak for you and your family. Enough is enough. 
Quote 4 0
hurting
I’m so sorry... 

the others are right though it is hard to stomach. It’s time to put yourself first and write her off as a lost cause. Don’t spend any more of your time and emotion on her... (impossible as it seems). It’s time to focus that on yourself and your kids. You’ve tried hard... you’ve given it your best shot and you’ve offered grace and forgiveness where it was absolutely not deserved. You don’t need to be in a situation with this kind of person any more...

She has chosen her path... I don’t know how or why anyone would possibly choose the kinds of qualities that the OM appear to demonstrate here (um... woman beater?! Really?!) but it isn’t about you. The only up here is that your own path is now clear. You no longer have to live in uncertainty and fear. It’s time to go.
Quote 3 0
MC
I am so sorry to hear of this Colt.

You deserve to do what is best for yourself.  I hope that as you take care of yourself that you find peace.
________________
Male BS
D-Day 3.15.2017


Taking care of myself, as we all deserve to do.
Encouraging all to bolster their: Emotional Health, Physical Health and Spiritual Health
Quote 1 0
Colt
I really appreciate all y'all who responded. I do KNOW I must divorce her, but she's asking for a 3 month separation instead. My lawyer says that if I agree to that it must be HER that moves out. See she wants ME to leave and take the kids.

Every time she's done this I make the same mistakes. I cry , I demand answers , I confront OM. Twice I actually went and beat the OM up right in front of her. Another time OM was honestly a good guy that didn't know she was married and stopped seeing her when I confronted him. Basically all the things that I now know we're mistakes. I ain't doing that stuff this time.
Quote 0 0
Keepabuzz
Why does she get to “request” anything?  I would file for divorce, and refuse to move out. You are in control.
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
Quote 1 0
JORGE
Quote:
I do KNOW I must divorce her, but she's asking for a 3 month separation instead. My lawyer says that if I agree to that it must be HER that moves out. See she wants ME to leave and take the kids.

You make  decisions for your family with respect to your wife's serial infidelity. Your wife has no credibility and therefor at this point in time, you can assume any offer or request from her is for self interest only, which, I'll get into a little later. Wives don't have boyfriends. Married mom's don't have boyfriends. Wives and mothers who are worth fighting for do not have boyfriends who threaten the stability of her family. You can fight and argue with her AP's, but that only reinforces the fact that you're not going anywhere, which in turn, makes you an enabler. 

Her 3 month trial request is a gem. It's an offer allowing her to have her cake and eat it, without your interference. She knows in the end, you'll "come around". See, to maintain the excitement and deviousness of her affairs, it requires stability, of which you provide by fighting for her and crying over her. These actions tells her you'll stay with her even after repeated infidelities. Why should she discontinue when she has a husband who begs her to stay and fights for her literally and physically.   She knows she has you and in cruel fashion, uses this to her advantage. Once security is removed, the charade is often over. She has you at her mercy, but the travesty in this is the kids are being collaterally damaged. 
Quote:
Every time she's done this I make the same mistakes. I cry , I demand answers , I confront OM. Twice I actually went and beat the OM up right in front of her. Another time OM was honestly a good guy that didn't know she was married and stopped seeing her when I confronted him. Basically all the things that I now know we're mistakes. I ain't doing that stuff this time.

If you are making the same mistakes, crying, demanding answers and confronting her boyfriends, then do something different. Muster up the courage to act only in the interests that benefit you and your family. By confronting her boyfriends, this only weakens your position, as injury or legal consequences could come about. If you want to be different, tell her you've filed and while you prefer that she moves out, tell her that she can stay home but only under a set of stringent conditions,  for purposes of being a better mother to her children and cohabitating with you under one roof, with respect and dignity. 

If you see an unbelievable change in her during the time she thinks you are divorcing her, then it's possible she's sincere and you can consider reconciliation, however you should never tell her this during the early stages of cohabitation, as her motivation will be to instinctively regain her cheating lifestyle back, not because she has changed on her own accord. If you agree to a 3-month trial, it should come after or simultaneous to your filing and as previously stated, with terms and  conditions you define. You take control by moving forward with courage, conviction and care for you and family only. Not the marriage. Not your wife. Only for you and family.
Quote 3 0