I'm so sorry about your struggles.
I think it is hard to move forward for all of us. My thought is that you need to find someone to confide in, whether it be individual counseling, a member of your church, a close friend that will keep the secret, etc. You can't keep this all bottled up inside of you. It helps to talk to someone. I know that individual counseling has helped me out tremendously. She helps me to feel like I am not going crazy and that all of the millions of feeling that I'm going through are real and justifiable. And don't be ashamed to take anti-depressants. This is an incredibly hard time that you are going through. If those little pills can help you through this rough time, embrace it and take the extra help. I know the anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills have helped me out a lot. Also, would your husband allow you to GPS track him while he is on his business trips to help ease your mind? Or if he could Facetime you to show you that he is actually where he has said he is at? Best of luck to you!!
BS: Married 8-1/2 yrs, together 13 Separated 6/11/17 D-Day 3/10/17