Sometimes I think we need someone to turn our anger on and the AP is the obvious choice. After all we may be trying to reconcile our relationship with our spouse and yes we are entitled to be angry with them, but in the end the anger does more harm than good to a marriage or partnership.
I've never spoken to my husbands AP and if I did, I probably wouldn't know what to say, and probably end up saying all the wrong things. I'd either be so angry that I'd never get my point across or so incredibly understanding of the situation that she'd think she'd gotten away with it!
She has never made any inroads towards me in the way of apology or showing remorsefulness. I don't honestly know if she would be capable of it, or even care about the chaos they have caused.
But as time goes on I realise more and more that she is nothing to me. She never will have any principle or morals, as far as I'm concerned. I don't think I would waste my time or the air that I breathe on her, and it would be fruitless to waste my anger on someone who I feel is, in many ways, beneath me, and worthless.