Mrsciara
Hello,
I am a first time poster but have been here for about a year after I found out about my STBXH affair. We were married 13 years. Sunday 11-19-18, I found out he took our daughters to spend the night at APs  house on Saturday and meet her for the first time. They also learned they have a baby brother on the way. He told me they were all so excited about their baby brother. They are 12 (twin girls) and 13 (twin girls). We are still married but we no longer live together. He does not live with the OW. He has delayed the divorce process since I initiated in April. I wanted to save my family but he continued to lie and lie and I just couldn’t do it anymore.
She had the baby Monday 11-20-18. It was a boy and they named the child, the name him and I came up with if he and I were to have boys. Here is where I think he must personally hate me. My last pregnancy in 2014, twins again did not last beyond 16 weeks. I lost one very early on and again the second baby at 16 weeks. I also almost died that night. My case was rare that they actually did a case study about it. Anyhow the baby was a boy and alive when I went in for  surgery but just too young to survive. He named him the male name he chose and that’s what we have on the certificate. While I have no proof that the first baby was also a boy I gave him the name my husband has now gave to this new child. I am no longer able to have children and it was just sacred that that name would not be used by either one us. I confronted him about his cruelty and he ignored me but then left me a voicemail hours later saying he had no context as to how I could have any association with that name. He said I must be so hurt that I made up the story about the name but he would like to talk to me to reach some type of middle ground about my misunderstanding. He then neglected our daughters on Thanksgiving evening, as I get the first half of the day, and he was to get them at 5 pm, to be with his new child. 
Could this be anything other than hatred towards me?
Quote 0 0
anthropoidape
My opinion, from the outside, is that it is more likely to be complete indifference to you. You matter to him about as much as a complete stranger or dog.  

I realise that sounds harsh but it seems to fit best. He might have been like that for a while; that would fit too.

Sorry you are going through this. There are rotten people in the world.
Maybe it is okay, maybe it will be okay.

BS, d-day Feb 2017, 16 mth affair.
Quote 4 0
Mrsciara
Thank you for your perspective anthropoidape. I realized his indifference to me for quite sometime but this just seemed too personal. He is actually a very calculated manipulator and not one to forget names we picked out so that’s why I was leaning towards hate. Like here was another chance for him to strike below the belt. Luckily, he can’t do anything else to cause me so much pain and grief. There’s nothing left, he’s already done it all.
He is indeed a rotten person! I wish I could erase him from my memory.
Quote 0 0
Vanessa
I personally don't think it is hate - it is his desire to always be "present" in your life.  In the future, as you hear about your kids' half brother  from your kids you will forever be reminded of your loss and of course of him since it was your joint child.  Remember it is all about ME ME ME for cheaters!

Once they have gutted you completely it does almost give you a sense of freedom that nothing else can be this bad.  And having lived through this, it is proof that we are strong and will survive anything life throws our way.
I am glad your kids have you to show them what a sane parent is and I hope you are able to minimize contact with this dysfunctional jerk. 
Quote 2 0
grappling
This is heart-wrenching. I'm so sorry. Whether it is a hateful act, indifference, or mere insensitivity, doesn't really matter because we never can get inside another person's mind to know their motivations. If you can find a way to be strong and try not to take offense, you will be in control. If he has the power to offend, he wins. You can defend your girls and protect them the best you can. He's lost right now. If you can show your indifference to his actions, he'll either wake up or not, but as long as he has you to argue with, he will assume a place of power of your feelings, a power he has no claim to.
May you in some miraculous, healing way search for something to thank God for in the midst of this hell-on-earth experience. That may give you a spark of comfort and power. I'm so sorry!
Quote 1 0
Damaged
Wow. He has really shown you what kind of person he is. Mean and cruel. A bad man. Forget about the man he was, this is who he is. And the AP. Who has a child with a married man. Now, what can you do to salvage this situation?                                       1) Do a hard 180. Only talk to him about child care , etc. He seems to enjoy tormenting you.                                                  2) Hit him where it hurts the most “ The Pocket Book “. Have your lawyer get as much out of him as possible. This will make the OW furious.                                             3) Live the best life possible! This is a tough one as your story is just about as bad as it gets. Your daughters will visit FH and OW. FH and OW will probably enjoy your suffering. Let your girls pass on to them how great you are doing and how happy you are!! In a couple of years FH and OW situation will probably not be unicorns and rainbows anymore. They will have a toddler and day to day stuff that they didn’t have to deal with in the affair. They will both be looking over their shoulder wondering when the other will cheat on them. The OW may have “Won “ your H, but look at what she won - a lying, cheating, mean , cruel man. You will be the free one.    Know that you have support from us !
Quote 5 0