Damot Show full post »
Latest update from being away foir a few days.

Got back on Fathers Day and picked up the kids at lunchtime where we met at the local shopping centre as we both needed to be there. Communication between the two of us has been pleasant and easy the previous few days.

She appeared to be putting on a bit of a fake, overly happy with the kids around.

First my son appeared angry and upset and didn't want to let go of my wife mainly because he wanted her to come with us. My wife told me that he had been angry and cranky all morning.

I then apologised for my controlling language/behaviour and said that it was not my intention to come across this way, however if this is how I made her feel then I had been going about things all wrong.  I asked for her to forgive me and she said yes. I then asked if she would help me communicate with her in a way that did not make her feel like being controlled and she said that she would and she thanked me for saying this to her.

Whilst saying this she went from overly happy to quiet and glassy-eyed.

Later in the day the kids told me that mum had spoken to them last week and said that she may not ever come home when they asked her to. I am not sure which was to take this. Either she is planting the seed in their head to let them down or not sure
herself even though she has told me she does not want to a few weeks back. 

My son took this bad and started crying before running off and hiding somewhere in the house from her.

But to a kid may not can also mean may.  She hasn't indicated since my first requst to tell the kids what is going on. They know it's not my choice and is mom's decision of what is happening and they want her to come home.  My daughter also feels that she cannot talk with her other than that she is worried but has not told her what she wants, needs or is worried about. I asked my son if this is what he was angry about this morning and he said that it was. Since he had been with me during the remainder of the day he was fine and we had some great fun.

This was also the weekend that she moved into her rental.  Along with this she took a number of items from our joint house to set up the rental. We agreed on a number of items.  It was a shock coming home to a couple of cleaned out rooms and closet and other items.  Left the wedding photos on the wall but took the wedding album.

Later that night when my son was on the phone he told my wife that she made me cry and be sad. She went silent on the phone for a short time, he was on speaker phone to her.  She asked why and he said it was because she took all the stuff from home.

I later spoke with her and she wanted me to speak with him so she didn't come across as the bad one.  I spoke with him before bed and said that we had agreed that mum could take some items and it was ok and he was ok with this.  I then sent my wife a message about speaking with him and she replied thanking me and that she appreciated it.

It would appear that she has not got her defences up against the kids and the kids are continually hitting on her with what they want her to come home and obviously showing that they are not happy, as would be the case.  I hope that this can break through to her although I am not encouraging the kids to say this and do that.  I have only said that they need to tell both of us how they are feeling because we wont know if they don't.

I was feeling better and stronger last night and today for some reason. Might be a combination of processing and saying the right things to get through to my wife or that the kids are also on her case by their own accord and in a way working as a team.  Could be also that I know she has a couple more nights in her place all alone with no noise looking at the roof wondering.  This I have already done but is a new experience to her from now on.
Quote 0 0
Latest update:

Was paying a cell phone bill and came across a number of calls a and text messages a few months back.  This started to make sense of what I would describe as passive aggressive behavior towards me in an attempt to put me down or make me angry but ultimately can see how during this time things were negative towards each other and ultimately during May I hit rock bottom with my PTSD and in some way I can see how this contributed to my state of mind.

I confronted my wife the following day, I would say that I was not attempting to be aggressive but ultimately I was confrontational with the subject.  It did not help that there were a number of lame excuses/lies in relation to this and I stood my ground that I wasn't going to be lie to or blame shifted.  I was even accused of attempting to hack into her work email account, which is not the case. I know how logging and tracking etc works and frankly not worth the effort.

In all the meeting was a bit heated and my mother in law was present and later said that it was confrontational.

So leading up to the weekend I get an email to attend my daughters end of season sports BBQ with my wife wanting me to come along as it was a family BBQ and that most of the people there did not know that we had separated and she was "sure we could manage through the afternoon." I replied that I don't think I would be able to put on an act through the afternoon. Might be easy for her as she has been practicing it for a number of months around me.

I dropped my daughter to her place prior to the BBQ and she did not say a work to me.  Then my son an I enjoyed the remainder of the afternoon.

Later that day my wife and father in law (someone who I used to get along well with) to pick up my son for the night, and came in 2 cars.  My son was hiding under a desk and didn't want to go with her.  Eventually we got him out.  I then asked my wife if there was any reason why I should contact her boss in relation to the allegation she made that I was hacking her work email account.  She got offended at this and said it wouldn't help things. She then tried to back pedal claiming that she didn't allege of that at all.  She jumped in the car and drove off leaving her dad behind.

He dad then came up to be all shaking and eyes bouncing around his head. I said to him I presented her with some phone records and she lied to me about them. He just came out and told that I haven't been very nice to her and haven't been for a long time. I replied that she hasn't been very nice to me also, referring to the passive aggressive behavior. He told me to back off, work on making myself a better person, a good father and a good ex-husband.

I asked what the issue was and all he could say was intimidation, anger and aggression. I asked what the allegation was and what people had told him but he wouldn't say.  I pushed the point but still didn't get an answer. He only went on the threaten me saying that he had the resources to find out and it will end in tears. It would end in tears for me and my life would end in tears.

At the end of it I never found out what the allegation was but it appears to be something specific, but I am clueless as to what.

Later that night I spoke with my daughter and then to my wife over the amicably phone and stated what her dad said to me.  She said that she was sure he wouldn't threaten me and she only responded that he was concerned for her welfare. I said it was inappropriate.  It also sounded like she was now more willing to discuss the issues which she hadn't been previously.

She did state and for the first time admit that she was also responsible for some problems in our relationship and that she could have stopped the "friendship", who she is now calling him her "best friend", but chose not to do so at the time.  She also went onto say that yes there were good times and bad times in our relationship but doesn't want to be on the emotional roller coaster anymore an that she was emotionally burnt out.  Not so burnt out to put her emotions into another relationship using her justification of a "best friend".

I feel that I have vented all that I need to in relation to this and I feel at this point that there is no chance of any reconciliation and I just have to start moving forward for myself and the kids and look to start getting the house on the market and financial separation done and dusted.


Quote 0 0

Time for a bit of an update but nothing positive to report.

My WS is still deeply in the fog.  Same silly answers however her father decided to get involved and threaten me with financial ruin through the courts on child care and property settlement and bring his lawyers in.  Since that time communication has been very poor.  My WS has decided that I cannot see tour children more than 3 nights per fortnight because their views and opinions don't yet match that of my WS.  As much as she says that she is not using the children as punishment this is the case.  

In less than 4 weeks from getting the first legal letter where the WS states our children need to come to terms with the separation she has introduced our children to the AP.  I know this is affecting our youngest child as he can't even talk about it.

My WS is clearly deep in the fog and still blaming me for her affair, lying to me and in front of her mother and through correspondence in legal letters to me.  I have had some communication through a 3rd party with the wife of the AP in which she describes she feels she is being treated by the AP like she was the one having the affair. Being verbally abused when anything with my WS is mentioned.  Clearly he is in the affair fog as well.

Looks like there is still a lot of water to flow under my bridge before any reason can be made.

I have been trying to move on and just concentrate on our kids but things like this make it that much harder when she is using our kids as a tool to cause friction, her father is also very vindictive as well.  My WS doesn't want to be seen as the "bad person" in front of our kids, her family (she's told them a huge number of lies), friends and colleagues (not sure their workplace is aware as yet).  Unfortunately our kids seem to have made up their minds about the situation and have pushed a lot of blame onto my WS which she gets offended by and of course blames me for telling our kids how to think.



Quote 0 0
I'm sorry to hear this... There is a cold place in hell for people that use their children as pawns..

Document. Document. Document.

Get yourself something like Evernote, and just document every instance that your children are being turned against you. In a lot of courts now the judge will not take kindly to the parent poisoning the relationship with the other...
Quote 0 0

One item that I have starting using is a small camera from the car and also one I hold.  She is aware that I am doing this and since doing so the allegations of me being aggressive and confrontational in face to face communication with her have stopped.  It has not stopped her lying and blame shifting towards me and making excuses for her affair.

Clearly she is emotionally unstable and becoming more so every day.  I suppose living life in a lie where she does not see her affair as the reason for our separation but exaggerated opinions and her rewritten history of our marriage is.  Of course this is what she is telling her family and friends and needs these lies to hold up for her own reputation.  As a result I can see paranoia setting in.  She has mentioned to others that she feels that she is being followed, tracked, email accounts hacked, changed phone and phone numbers because of this false belief.  I can't account for the actions of the OP wife though.  

I know the truth will come out eventually but hopefully not at the expense and damage to our children.

Has anyone else experienced this type of behavior from their WS.  I don't for second believe that she will return to me as it would appear that the tail she now has is far too big to fit back between her legs and accept the consequences.

I have noticed that she has begun listening to an audio book which I downloaded called, "I love you but, I'm not in love with you" by Andrew G Marshall. I have no idea why she would start this.  It's not an accident as she would have to sync her second phone to the car and open the app and start playing it and is part way through it.  I only found out this by accident when I started back on this book again whilst at the gym and it showed that she had been listening to it on her device.

Quote 0 0