I am 2.5 months out from dday. My H is a teacher and in a co-teaching classroom, so he is paired up with another teacher. I found out he was having an affair with his co-teacher throughout the entire summer (it started the last day of school and I found the MASSIVE amount of emails/photos/messages on the first day of school). Worse of all, this happened while I was on maternity leave with our newborn daughter. It kills me just writing this out. He spent such a precious and important time in our lives, now as a family of 3, abandoning us so he could spend every chance he got being with her. This includes having sex in our bed when conned me to take a trip with my daughter, in our car, and even meeting up with the OW while he was "walked the dog". They chatted 24/7 and I found all the saved records, including a lot of photos. From 1 week into the affair they proclaimed their love for each other. They spent last school year building a deep friendship that crossed the line when they realized they couldnt stand the idea of separating during the summer. It breaks my heart.
He came home on D-day completely torn up and begging for forgiveness. I do believe he got caught up in the affair and being caught snapped him back into reality. He wants so badly to fix this, but at the same time, I don't know what to do. The worst part in all of this is that they STILL work together. We had a lot of talks after dday about how can he get out of this toxic work environment, but basically he convinced me there is no way to do it during this school year without ruining his career, so he has to wait to move classrooms or schools for next school year. So here I am, knowing every day he goes and works alongside here spending more time with her than with me. He says is it 100% over and now just a professional relationship, but I have an impossible time believing it when they were so emotionally connected. He has not denied that he was in love, or it was "intense emotions", which I do not believe turn off light a switch just because he was caught. I so badly want to tell the AP's spouse she she is forced to deal with her actions and focus on her own marriage.
I just feel hopeless on what to do. I am a strong person and know I will be OK if I leave, but I like the life we built together over 11 years and want my daughter to have a chance at a normal family life. I just feel like there is no way we can truly work on remediation and I can start to build trust until he is out of this school/classroom, 7 months from now! I caught him lying and calling her at night for what he 100% claims were necessary work convos (he deleted the calls/text from his phone since he lets me check it, but I found out by the phone bills..it felt like d-day 2...) Am I fooling myself that he wont do this again? How can he possibly work so closely with her and not feel tempted all the time?
We have been in IC for a month and it has been helpful, but I often feel like he leaves feeling frustrated that I am not being clear on what I need him to do to make this better. The fact is that I have no idea if this can be healed.
Has anyone had to deal with their WS continuing to work closely with their AP? How can you ever build trust again?