First I think it is really positive that you are owning what you have done. You said that you all are 13 months past d-day, and trickle truth since then? If this is the case, she isn't going to start healing until you come completely clean, and end the trickle truth. Trickle truth just prolongs the suffering for your BS.
I'm a betrayed husband, 18 months past d-day. Her affair and the pain it has caused and still causes me is certainly on my mind everyday, and I don't see it not being for a long time. The trauma for the BS is beyond anything I could have ever imagined, but I don't think talking about it is to punish you per say. She is your wife, so you would need to judge if she is talking about it in such a way as to "rub your nose in it", or if she is talking about it to help her heal, help her try to make sense of things as much as she can. Although I would bet that she is like me and will never truly understand how you could have done this to her. I could talk about 24/7 in the early days, but now it's maybe every other week. We don't talk anymore about what she did much, more on how it effected and still effects me. We talk about my triggers. And why they trigger me. It's about her understanding my pain, not about me hurting her.
I hope that I misunderstood our post about trickle truth, and you came clean many many months ago. If so, I would think that the affair talk should be getting less. Have you planned dates? Trip? New experiences for you all together? Those help to start "new" memories.
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....