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arizons
JKoloseik wrote:
 I don't want to try anymore, and sometimes my depression overcomes me so hard that I don't want to face the morning.

There are no easy answer's and not a single person here will tell you staying or leaving is the right or wrong choice... at this point...there is only the right choice for YOU. and you deserve to be happy.
    You said your husband left the affair partner but did he cut all contact?? Even though its been a year it sound like your Husband might still be in an affair fog.
    I know my husband kept contact with that horrid creature for six months after D-day and only really has come out of the fog and turned fully back towards me within the last 3 to 4 months.
   I don't think real healing can happen until 1. there is no contact between WS and the AP. 2. The WS gets their head out of the fog.
   You know...whatever you decide... we are all here 100% behind you!!!!
Female BS, D-day 1/03/2017, 
I'm going to rebuild me like a remix,

and raise my soul like a Phoenix 
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Guiltguilt
That’s why I helped my BS do whatever she needed, including picking up furniture for her new place, moving her out, coming up with money for the new place, staying away, anything to make it easier for her. Even though I would do anything to reconcile, it’s the least I could do after what I put her through. 
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JKoloseik
Guiltguilt wrote:
That’s why I helped my BS do whatever she needed, including picking up furniture for her new place, moving her out, coming up with money for the new place, staying away, anything to make it easier for her. Even though I would do anything to reconcile, it’s the least I could do after what I put her through. 


I don't know about your spouse, but I know that a girl likes to be pursued, and given the chance to tell you to go away. My husband backed off emotionally. He felt shame and didn't want the constant rejection. But it made me feel like he didn't want the hassles. He learned that he needed to let me reject him so that I'd feel safe. I thought that pushing him away would make him run to her, so I wasn't giving myself the space I needed. But eventually, knowing he'd keep trying really, really helped.
Female BS 
DD 10/16/16
WS multiple relapses
Physical affair, emotional affairs, online affairs
In-house separation 06/11/18
Complete separation 01/04/20
Last relapse 01/07/20
Don't be afraid. Don't be dismayed. The battle belongs to the Lord.
2 Ch. 20:15
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JKoloseik
Guiltguilt wrote:
That’s why I helped my BS do whatever she needed, including picking up furniture for her new place, moving her out, coming up with money for the new place, staying away, anything to make it easier for her. Even though I would do anything to reconcile, it’s the least I could do after what I put her through. 


You need to heal too. I'd recommend changing your screen name. If your shame is overwhelming, you won't be strong enough emotionally for her or the reconciliation. Her rejection coupled with your shame spells disaster. Have you gone through the workbooks they offer here? 
Female BS 
DD 10/16/16
WS multiple relapses
Physical affair, emotional affairs, online affairs
In-house separation 06/11/18
Complete separation 01/04/20
Last relapse 01/07/20
Don't be afraid. Don't be dismayed. The battle belongs to the Lord.
2 Ch. 20:15
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Phoenix
JKoloseik wrote:


I don't know about your spouse, but I know that a girl likes to be pursued, and given the chance to tell you to go away. My husband backed off emotionally. He felt shame and didn't want the constant rejection. But it made me feel like he didn't want the hassles. He learned that he needed to let me reject him so that I'd feel safe. I thought that pushing him away would make him run to her, so I wasn't giving myself the space I needed. But eventually, knowing he'd keep trying really, really helped.

thats me, exactly me. I don’t know how to turn it around. So I should just keep pursuing him? I try to connect with him by touch and looking at him but he says I look at him like if he is going to die not with live. I don’t know what to do or how to do it. 
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