What I needed, what I was starving for was someone to think that I was awesome, listen to me, think that I was giving great insight, pay attention to me, fulfill my needs. All of the things that my wife did when we first met and before we settled into the boring thing called marriage.
The other part of all of this... believe it or not Anna26, my wife is like your husband when it comes to relaying her feelings. She is a closed book, and sometimes dragging the information out of her is like moving a camel that decides to stay put. I had to figure out a way to communicate, or to at least get on to her level for how she is feeling.
Hmm...interesting, this is exactly how I feel and what I was trying to communicate. It's true that other things somehow take priority over what you need in your marriage and the thing is, often we don't even realise at first that we are letting it slide. We kind of assume that the marriage will always be there, to 'sort out' when we have more time, taking it for granted.
I think there is a very stereotypical view of what both sexes are 'supposed to be or do' and then we do our darndest to believe it!
And it's very difficult to unlearn all of that way of thinking of each other when it's something that's probably gone on for years and learned from role models.
And yes, I know that feeling, it's like trying to draw teeth isn't it? Out with the verbal hammer and chisel trying to mine for information...
Thing is, it was always me that was trying to communicate, to find out what he needed, but he very rarely let go of anything.
I know exactly what you mean about the body language and how they are acting because I can always sense when there is a problem. There is quite a heavy atmosphere. He is always really quiet and retreats into himself and no amount of coaxing will have any effect, apart from producing the stock answers, 'okay, or fine', or getting angry when I persist in asking.
What I wonder to myself sometimes is, is it because he is so bad at communicating with me, that things went wrong? Did he feel all the things you felt but just couldn't express it?
I know I felt undervalued and insecure too, but I seemed to throw myself into home and family more whereas he took an 'outside interest'. I suppose you could think of all kinds of reasons and excuses as answers to these questions and more, but maybe that's a whole new topic