I finally feel some emotional connection due to his honesty which is what I crave and he is pulling away. I have not been perfect. I was focused on the kids more than him. I wanted to stay home and work part time because I did not want to miss out on their childhood. I knew he was stressed financially, but I was selfish and stayed with the kids anyways.. Also, I do not particularly like the career that I chose. Does that make it okay to have an affair -absolutely not . I am not making excuses for him at all. However, I can understand how he was feeling. I do not like who I have become- waiting for phone calls for him, waiting for his texts. I feel like a love sick school girl. His traveling magnifies my insecurities and my loneliness. Not knowing where we stand in our relationship is driving me crazy. I am consumed with my thoughts and having a hard time focusing on my kids. He travels, works hard, but also gets to live a "single" life of going out to restaurants, doing activities that a person with kids is not able to because of his travels. This has caused me to have resentment. I am hanging on to a thread of hope. Am I being foolish? My heart hurts. I do not want to feel like I did not give our marriage all my effort before we throw the towel in. There are a lot of good things about us. I feel like no relationship will be perfect. I am not sure if I want to deal with a whole new set of problems. I am certainly not thrilled with the idea of dating again.
I agree with you here, the emotional connection was always something I needed, but I never got that, my husband seems incapable of this, or maybe its just me that doesnt recognise any efforts any more.
I too work part time, I didn't want to work full time. I had my children and the home and was a real home making type of woman, just wanted to be with my children and bring them up in the best way I knew and that was to be there with them. We didn't have a lot of money but any that I earned was saved and went towards holidays etc. I reasoned that if we didnt need it to pay bills, I didnt need to work full time. It always seemed as though he was never happy with me only working part time though. Now I feel like it could have been one of the reasons he might have been unhappy in our marriage but I don't know if I will get to the bottom of it.
When I first found out about the affair I felt like you do now, hanging on his every word, waiting for a text or phone call, but also dreading those upsetting conversations about the affair. My thoughts took over for a while, I worried about where he was, if he was with her again, or talking to her at work.
The thing that helped me find myself again was when he moved out, I found a peace and calm that came from not being able to see or know about what might be going on.
Like you though, now I am a bit resentful that he doesn't seem to have to worry about the things that go on at home, the general running of the place, and the pastoral side of care with our grown up children. They may be adults but they still come to you with help with problems and situations that they've not come across before. He's not there to help them then. When he has done whatever he needs to as regards to work and home life, he can do exactly what he likes, he only has himself to think about in that respect. Whereas I seem to be on call, for whoever, whenever, 24/7. Or is that just a woman being unable to switch off?
I think you are right about giving it your all before throwing in the towel, but there is only so much you can do on your own. There is only so much coaxing, leading and prodding you can do and in the end they have to make decisions for themselves and realise why they made them. We can't put words into someones mouth or thoughts into their head.
Have to say though, the thought of starting again doesn't exactly inspire me either...if it came to that, for now..I'd rather be on my own.