AHmember20
Hi. I've been a silent observer on this forum since the beginning. I will summon up the courage to tell my story in detail but for now, I was just wondering if anyone has any experience of in house separation. I am the BS. In a nutshell: Spouse had a one night stand last Oct. since then he has been extremely ambivalent. Says he's not seeing anyone but has said that he loves me like family and nothing more. So, finally, earlier this month when he had no intention of acknowledging our anniversary in anyway, I said I was done. This in house separation is for financial reasons. There is no money for a separate property. We have two children 2 and 9.
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Robin1971
i am sorry, not any words to express how bad i feel for you.  all i can offer you is to work on you.  stay strong for your kids.
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TimT
Couples sometimes choose in-house separation for practical (children) or financial reasons. It can be very challenging, especially for the betrayed spouse. But it can work if you agree on the ground rules.
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surviving
AHMember 20 - we are in-house separated too - no money to do otherwise and still two children in the house to raise.  It is hard seeing him every day when I know what he did.  We are 25 months from DDay. 
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surviving
TimT - what are the ground rules we should be following as we are in-house separated?
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AHmember20
Thanks for the replies. Yes, Tim I'd be interested in some tips on this if you have any.
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TimT
Suggested Guidelines for In-House Separations

Prior to starting an in-house separation, couples should make sure they discuss the following issues. The input of a counselor or mentor may be beneficial. Once you reach agreement on these issues, write them down and put both signatures on them so there is no question in the future regarding these decisions.

1. Agree on your relationship boundaries.
Not every separation is the same in regard to physical and sexual interactions between partners during the separation. You may assume that there will be no physical intimacy or sex during this period, but be sure to state this clearly. If both are open to occasional sexual interactions, expectations and boundaries should be clearly defined and agreed to by both.

2. Agree on other relationship boundaries.
Separation is not a good time to be involved in another relationship. In some cases (an ongoing affair, for example), a relationship should already be established. Whatever the circumstances, be sure to clearly define expectations. I strongly encourage both partners to refrain from involvement with anyone else during this time, but in the case of an affair where out-of-house separation is not possible, boundaries should be established to keep that relationship out of the home (no coming to or near the house, no contact with children, etc.).

3. Agree on house boundaries.
Define which rooms are out of limits to each partner and commit to respecting these boundaries. If possible, each partner should have a room that the other stays out of. It can also help to have designated bathrooms as well. Make sure you agree on these expectations.

4. Define business-of-life responsibilities.
What responsibilities will be divided? Which ones will be shared? What will the financial obligations be? (Think about different areas of domestic support, paying bills, taking care of children, etc.)

5. Define your interaction with children.
What things, if any, will you do together as a family? What will you do separately? How will you both cooperate to protect your children's relationship with each other?

6. Decide what to say to your children.
You need to have a conversation with your children TOGETHER to explain the change. Don't leave them confused. You don't have to go into detail, but let them know that you are going through a difficult time and need to spend some time apart. It will be good to assure your children that you love them and that you are going to support each other as parents. (DO NOT bring your conflict into your children's lives.)

7. Set a time limit.
Decide how long you will both agree to abide by these boundaries. You can re-evaluate anytime you need to, but an end date at least gives you a timeframe. When you reach the agreed time, discuss whether or not the in-house separation will continue and, if so, what guidelines need to be adjusted.

8. Don't do this alone.
You probably will need support during this separation. I would encourage joint counseling to help keep things on track.
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jackie9
Thank you for posting guidelines. My husband is currently out of the house but we are moving to "in house" separation in a week. We are working on restoration. The out of the home separation has been good. My fear is that he will be less introspective, less empathy(severely lacking in that area anyway) expectations will increase frustrations. It is so easy for us to fall into old patterns of communication or the lack of intimate communication. What are some suggestions that would make in house separation a valuable tool in re connecting in non physical ways?
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Blessedby7
I know this is an old thread, but I appreciate the ideas for boundaries.  I told my husband this morning I wanted a seperation because he's only doing things on the surface to restore our relationship.  (My story is here somewhere)  I need to make sure he is clear on these boundaries.  
Female BS
Dday 10/12/2018

Renewing myself one day at a time. 
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