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Mrssgt
Surviving, thank you for your reply. As you can guess, all is very much a mess and I don't understand a thing in my life right now... It's strange to see others feeling exactly as I do. But, we all just figure it out our own way. I hope you do as well as the other women, I hope I can too, I'm wish I could leave,but it's difficult. Thanks again, and I wish you the best.
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surviving
Mrssgt - I always wished I could leave or at least he would.  The children were taking sides, mostly for him.  They were telling me to "get over it."  I wanted him to leave and take the children.  Why should I have the children, when they were on his side.  However, my friend and prayer warrior, who was abused by her father, said that she was always mean to her Mom because she was safe.  I took that to heart.  The kids are acting better, like nothing ever happened with their Dad.  The other reason neither of us could leave was because my husband lost his job because of his affair with a fellow employee.  We had to move out of housing that was provided by his work, we had two weeks to move.  We ended up in my daughter's basement, and that presented a whole mess of other problems.  So, we are here together in the same house, but not together - if that makes sense.  I see small changes and hope they continue (not just putting on an act so that I will reconcile).  You are so new to this, please give it time.  The WS has to get out of the affair fog, then repent, and try to build again.  We are at least out of the affair fog and he has repented.  That is where we are stuck for now.
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awaggoner1999
Mrssgt wrote:
So much of what you women say is ME. I hate how I want to die every day. How fake I act when I want to cry. How incredibly untrustworthy my hubby is, even in the bathroom w/ his phone. I hate everything, & I have become nothing. How did I get here....my kids deserve better. How did he change into this person I don't recognize?? I am at my lowest I have ever been!!! I don't know how much longer I can go on.


Amazingly, you will weather this. My husband waited till I went to bed, or was out of sight. He did quite a bit in transit to and from work.  So his acts were subversive and a true detriment to my psyche...but I am weathering his storm. I know it wont last forever...and it wont for you either.
It will get better. However, only YOU can decide how you respond. This part is tough, and I mean tough. You are something and you matter. Unfortunately, your WS is broken and in his broken state you have become his collateral damage. You are changed by this, but you dont have to stay broken. 

Take some time for you and decide what you will and will not accept from him.Set boundaries and then protect yourself...Take care of yourself. Focus on you and your children...this is tough...but show him that you will not continue to spin around in his chaos. Create order for you and the children. Overcoming this chaos is not insurmountable, but it will be one hell of a hill you have to climb. Don't stay at the bottom. [wave]

I pray you find some hope in your future and know that you will get through this. Take the focus from him and put it on you. Wish you were not in this boat with us, but you are not in the boat alone, we are all here working through the crazy world thrust upon us.
Wishing you courage, strength and wisdom. 
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Graceandhope
So I'm reading this again, and think I must be in a different place because what stands out is your question regarding you believing her because she has nothing to lose. Because she has nothing to lose and everything to gain. This is her Hail Mary . She wants him back or just not to be with you so she Sosa the seed of doubt. Hoping to wreck havoc in what your trying to fix. She is not getting anywhere with her m so you're the next target.

It seems if she were still seeing your husband she would be quiet as a mouse so as to not cause trouble for them.

Just my opinion. I hope you're feelings by better.
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Lpat4
Not sure if this is the right area but today just out of the blue we started to talk about events from last year and I find out that his work Christmas party which I knew she met him at afterwards was actually him leaving early to be with her...why you may ask does this make me sad...I am not sure. Maybe it is confirmation of actual events...our conversation didn't end well I called him a duck head and liar and am now hear on the couch emotional and upset...jan 5 2015 was d day and recovery has been going along as to be expected and then things like this set me back....
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surviving
Oh, Lpat4 - I am so sorry.  It took my WH three months to come clean with everything.  It has been two years since our DDay and there are still triggers and a few bits of information still coming out.  I just wish everything was told on DDay, but that didn't happen.  I am so sorry you are here and going through this.  I know, it isn't fun!  You are responding completely normal.  That doesn't make it any easier to take, but it is normal. 
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TimT
Lpat4 wrote:
...jan 5 2015 was d day and recovery has been going along as to be expected and then things like this set me back...

There is a price to pay for being completely honest early on. Dealing with the shame of being "caught" is bad enough, and many unfaithful spouses want avoid adding any more pain on top of that, whether it's to protect themselves or to protect their partner. But I wish they could see into the future far enough to understand the greater consequence to holding on to the truth, or only letting it out a bit at a time. I'm sorry you are paying that price. I bet he wishes he had come clean earlier.
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Lpat4
There are times when I feel we have already spoken about it all but I deliberately want to hear it again to feel the hurt I felt initially. Why is that?
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surviving
Lpat4 - There are so many questions I ask over and over again.  I am hoping for a different answer, but the answers are always the same.  I haven't wanted to feel the hurt again like you said, but maybe I am and I just don't realize it.  The pain will fade, even though that seems impossible right now.  I don't hurt as bad unless a trigger comes up (and they do come up even after two years from DDay).  Take care of yourself!  Be patient, give it time, things will settle down eventually.
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Lpat4
I know time heals and because we are both committed to our marriage not only me I am willing to give myself time to heal.
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