arizons Show full post »
arizons wrote:
😁That's ok. I put my wedding ring in a coffin and burred it in the back yard.

I'm not what happened to me. 

The joy of the Lord is my strength. 

~Nehemiah 8:10~
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I have texts and emails and phone records and bank records. All printed out. I can’t get rid of them. I don’t look at them very often, but they are a security blanket for me. Proof of what really happened. He gaslighted me for so long, and still occasionally slips back into that habit, that I feel I have to keep them as proof of my sanity. Proof for the next line that he feeds me when we talk. 

He he really is better. He is seeing a therapist. He is very open about where he is and what he’s doing. He wants this to work.

But I need the evidence I have collected as a way to work through what he has done to our family. I don’t know if I can ever get rid of it all. I have the texts on my laptop and almost popped a brain vessel when I couldn’t find them one day.

i don’t know if it’s healthy for me, but I know I’m not ready to get rid of them. I still fear other shoes dropping. I still fear something lurking to take away the semblance of stability we have built up. And if that should happen, I need those pieces of evidence to prove my sanity. 
Wishing everyone here peace and healing!

Female BS Married 18 yrs
DDay 3/7/2017 through 4/2019 and counting. 
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I deleted a lot of stuff recently. It felt like it was time. It was difficult anyway. I think this is partly because I know the accuracy of memory will diminish for both of us. But... that is how memory is meant to be. I think part of healing is letting memory work the way it naturally does, losing factual accuracy and changing into a story. 
Maybe it is okay, maybe it will be okay.

BS, d-day Feb 2017, 16 mth affair.
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My WH confessed in mid 2014. I was getting SMS a few minutes after that from OW. I think the OW knows my WH is going to confess after dumping her or my WH is just trying to be able to confess before the OW started harassing me. She started a barage of pitiful, insulting and hurting texts and calls (which I did not pick up). I kept these for a few weeks as proof that it happened to me. I decided to finally delete them a few weeks after D-day. Just to avoid torturing myself any further. A few months after that, I decided to also delete all my WH's texts to me for so many years up to D-day since I believed that they are mostly lies.
Female, BS, D-day Mid 2014. Still sad. Trying to cope while no one else knows I am broken.
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