I hate to say this, but not one thing you listed abut your husband's behavior says true remorse to me. As best I can tell he is doing the least he can do to keep you and his kids while rejecting any long term changes or accepting any serious responsibility for what he's done and how it has effected you.
The fact that at just 5 months he's doing the whole "we just talked about this" and "when will it end" is LAUGHABLE. I am less than two months from 4 years - and while it isn't a common topic - we still talk about it when stuff comes up for me. The difference is that now both he and I are calmer about it and it typically gets discussed and worked through quite quickly. But at TWO YEARS out it was still a FREQUENT topic of HARD conversation. If you'd been run over by a car, and then the person looked in the rear view mirror, saw you bleeding and then backed up and ran over you again, you'd likely still be working through the trauma (and the healing!) of that event for years... same thing here... the scars are just not visible. " He still has not given me access to anything other than his phone- and he gets super irritated about that and tries to monitor me while accessing it, and Facebook... both of which he deleted all messages from, pictures off his phone and even factory reset it... and only after the two month stint away where he treated me so poorly. He gets angry when I ask for his list of accounts and passwords. When I looked at his phone I was smart enough to look at the apps not installed section and there were NINE dating apps." There are so many red flags in this section I will just say one thing - BULLsh$%. Not giving you access is a deal breaker. Sitting with you while you look at his phone - manipulative and bullying behavior. The dating apps? Whether he used them or not, he took the time and effort to download - that is intention. I personally only know of one case where the person exhibited this bullheaded of an approach after DD and the couple eventually successfully reconciled - Kilmarjan. And he has repeatedly made it clear that what finally made him get his head out of his a$$ was that his wife moved on. Completely. She did a full 180 for her own health and well-being and made a new life for herself. At some point she even saw other men (he was living with the AP at the time if I remember correctly.) But she DID NOT do it as a ploy to get him back and he could see/feel the difference. She was MOVING ON. And something finally got through his thick skull. It took a long time to get past the damage that was done, but they did it. However, I believe his was a 1 in 10,000 cases kind of story. If my husband had acted like yours - I would have left. For me to rebuild, he had to be willing to accept that for a period of time (a long one) his needs for autonomy and control were superseded by my need for transparency. It was hard for him at first, but he understood that he'd created the situation - and - he was asking something ENORMOUS of me to try to learn to trust him again. That he was going to have to work HARD for that trust and be an open book emotionally and physically (phone/accounts etc) in a way he'd NEVER done before (i'd never seen a need to ask). After an initial period of discomfort, he actually found that he liked it. I think discovering that he could be emotionally "naked" in front of someone and them still find him "worthy" of love was a revelation. But regardless - it was the ONLY path forward for me. Your reaction is utterly normal - and completely emotionally healthy given the situation. His is not. Your post is FULL of red flags and I don't think he is a healthy or safe partner for you. Are you in a position to be able to separate/divorce? If at all possible, I'd leave, but I realize it is not always that easy. I am so sorry that you are going through this at all, much less pregnant.
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child DD May 2016 “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl