KDM
After 31 years of marriage I found myself caught in an online affair that became sexual then turned into a heart felt relationship that as soon as it became open to the spouses on both sides has become nothing more than lies. I struggle to get through some days without all kinds of thoughts from the affiar trying to control me and tear away the freedom that I know I have in JESUS. Will it go away?
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Anna26
KDM wrote:
After 31 years of marriage I found myself caught in an online affair that became sexual then turned into a heart felt relationship that as soon as it became open to the spouses on both sides has become nothing more than lies. I struggle to get through some days without all kinds of thoughts from the affiar trying to control me and tear away the freedom that I know I have in JESUS. Will it go away?



The affair probably burnt out soon after it came into the open because it was then out in the real world. Once you hit reality, the fog clears, and the fantasy world you were a part of doesn't cut the mustard anymore.  Each AP sees themselves reflected in the eyes of the other, and likes what they see, the total adoration, the caring and understanding, even the love ( and I believe this can be a real experience).  It's like an addiction, a drug.  But it isn't reality, and that's why you now feel so much disaappointment and loss.
 The cold hard light of day showed the affair for what it was.

The feeling will go away, or rather you will learn to deal with it, but it takes time.  I am sorry for your struggles and wish you the best.
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Kalmarjan
KDM wrote:
After 31 years of marriage I found myself caught in an online affair that became sexual then turned into a heart felt relationship that as soon as it became open to the spouses on both sides has become nothing more than lies. I struggle to get through some days without all kinds of thoughts from the affiar trying to control me and tear away the freedom that I know I have in JESUS. Will it go away?


It will never go away, but with the grace and intelligence that our creator gave you, you will learn from this. Think on the prodigal son.
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KDM
Why do you say it will never go away Kalmarjan?
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Kalmarjan
KDM wrote:
Why do you say it will never go away Kalmarjan?


Affairs can be healed, but always leave a scar. You'll never be able to forget what happened, and the hurt that comes from it, but hopefully you can move past it.
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TimT
KDM wrote:
...I struggle to get through some days without all kinds of thoughts from the affiar trying to control me and tear away the freedom that I know I have in JESUS. Will it go away?
The lure into the affair is a powerful thing. If you get stuck in the middle of the struggle and hope for the day when the longing goes away, you might wait for a long time. If you really want to change, you have to intentionally invest in those things that are consistent with the kind of change you really want. This can't be simply a matter of avoiding guilt; you need a clear perspective of what the healthy you should look like and then start moving (running, walking, or crawling) toward that.

If you're investing in the affair in any way, you have to stop. But beyond stopping, replace those behaviors with ones that are consistent with your desired change. It's not magic, it's intentional discipline.

You come from a Christian faith background. I do, too. But don't be trapped into the thinking that somehow God is going to swoop down and do a miracle to take all the struggle away and make this easy. He has given you all you need to change, but you have to do your part.

It's not about perfection; it's about progress. Take the next step forward, then the next one, then...
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UrbanExplorer
I am not religious, and I see it as kind of an addiction. The affair meets certain needs (not always as simple as sex), which makes it feel joyful at the time.
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