UrbanExplorer Show full post »
Well guilt guilt you realize that now but maybe your bs is allowing a little connection back with you but saying no strings to you to eliminate the hurt factor ! You've got to make her realize that you're safe to her not the enemy!! So if reconciliation is what you truly want maybe you should look into what your bs is really saying to you! She's open to sex but she's not open emotionally! She's got the walls up around her heart ! You need to help her demo the walls proving you're safe and ready to work on your marriage!!
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I know this is an old topic but wanted to throw my experience in there. My WH and I experienced the "hysterical bonding". More Sex than we had ever had. I did make it clear that it didn't mean we were "ok". He did take it to heart though and thought as long as we were having sex that we were ok. I think I viewed it as reclaiming my husband, my sexuality, my desirability. Being cheated on makes you feel worthless, unloved, unattractive, etc etc etc. it's almost like taking yourself back. But it doesn't mean that we even want to move forward in the marriage but I believe is important to the recovery of those who experience it. The ws may unfortunately get hurt from this, if things don't work out, but I'm sorry if I feel like you owe it to them anyway. Another rejection could be a major setback.
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I sort of get that, but I felt coerced and violated.
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But -- and here's the thing -- when I trigger, when I get angry, when I wail, he is still there. He's promised me he always will be. Having that safety of knowing I can work through my pain after the affair is amazing. It allows me not to be afraid of my mood swings, while knowing I need to work on them.

This is so important.  I wish my WH would do this.  He does exactly the opposite and it is making it very hard for me to move forward through my pain.
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