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perkolated
I think it is only natural to want to have a discussion with the AP of your WS.  I do believe there are the remorseful APs that genuinely regret their actions.  A month after D-Day though, I sincerely doubt she is one of these individuals.  It sounds like the suspicions of several others that she just wants to hurt you, are correct.  

I met with my wife's AP, or rather he involuntarily met with me.  We have the unfortunate circumstance of living in the same town as the AP and his wife.  During little league sports season, we ran into the AP and his family frequently.  Early one Saturday my wife was at work, so I was at our kids' games alone.  I glanced up and saw him walk into the bathroom by himself.  I don't even remember making the decision, but I somehow found myself cornering him in the bathroom.  I am still unsure how I did not break his jaw in that moment.  He appeared to think that was a very real possibility too, as he cowered in the corner.  I would be lying if I said I did not get some satisfaction out of that.  But other than grabbing him by the shirt, I did not touch him.  I had about a 10 minute conversation with him.  Oddly enough, I think this helped me tremendously in letting go of a lot of the anger I felt toward my wife.  For the sake of the AP's wife, I hope he gets the impact of his actions more than he did in that moment.  He proceeded to tell me how terrible the situation was for him because his wife won't stop talking about it.  Not once did I hear him accept responsibility for his actions, or express sorrow over the pain he had caused his wife.  He went into detail about the state of his marriage.  I would imagine his wife would not have been happy he gave those details.  Of course, he could have been lying.  He was skilled at it for over a year.  The whole conversation was bizarre.  I walked away feeling bewildered and confused.  But also convinced this guy has some type of personality disorder.          
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Fionarob
So glad you decided not to meet her, and her reaction is confirmation that it would not have been good for you.

I hope she does not try and contact you again, it was a completely selfish act to begin with.  She is not thinking about what  you must be going through right now, only thinking of herself.  I have no doubt she is in pain, frustrated and hurting, but it is not for you to sort out.  She should never have had an affair.
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HML
Abosolutely NOT !!! Dun Go!!! There is nothing you need to know through her and if there anything you want to do is to beat the crap out of her for taking all the care and affection that was meant for you especially using your spouse for her own gains so why oh why  would you want to meet up with such DIRT??? You think there is a possibility to have a meaningful discussion ????
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arizons
No, I wouldn't talk with her or meet her. She is not your friend in any way shape or form. She is also a lair...you can't trust anything she says. Whatever she tells you is her selfish self-serving.
    You already know 1. She knowingly had an affair with your husband. 2. Affairs involve sex and just assume that anything you can imagine they likely did togther...
  3. Her "story" doesn't matter to anyone except her. You do not have to listen to it.
  4. If it was me I would just tell her that meeting would not matter because nothing she says will change your view of your husband and I would ask her not.to contact you.
   My husbands ex-AP had an obsession with trying to tell "Her side" of the story. I can tell you she hated the fact that I didn't care what she thought her side of the story is.
    In affairs the wayward spouce and the OW/OM are the villains in this story. The only difference with our spouces is that we love them and are trying to save a relationship we care about. We don't care about the OW.
    At the end of the day it's your choice. But honestly no good will come of it. There isn't any BIG facts she can tell you that you likely do not already know. She can only give you details or lies that will hurt you.
Female BS, D-day 1/03/2017, 
I'm going to rebuild me like a remix,

and raise my soul like a Phoenix 
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Experiencethedevine29
The only way I’d do it is with my husband along so that BOTH are forced to accept culpability and so that there is no he said/she said under the table horse manure cover ups. I wouldn’t let on he was coming either!

it would also uncover her true intent with him in tow. She’s either going to run or spit feathers.

other than that, f**k her. She’s not even poopy caka on the bottom of your shoe.

some don’t care much for my approach so if it offends sorry about that, but I’ve heard enough horse 💩 in my time to know that honesty is understated.

ETD🌻
Expectation is the root of all heartache.. ’Will Shakespeare
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rustydidit
Experiencethedevine29 wrote:

other than that, f**k her. She’s not even poopy caka on the bottom of your shoe.

ETD🌻


That is 100% the best thing I've read, and I've read everything, in the 10 months since my D-day.

On the runaway train that is recovery and reconciliation, I often feel I want to ask the AP for an apology, but, really what's the point? If she hasn't offered one, she clearly has moved on, doesn't care about the disaster left in her wake, and can't see two inches beyond her own feelings, likely because her overexposed cleavage is obstructing her view of anything else.  She may not actually have any feelings except the pressing desire to be drunk and mostly topless on instagram. Such a fine young woman she is. Ew. Ew. Ew and Ew. 

So an apology wouldn't mean anything anyway. Because she is beneath poopy caka indeed.

Thanks for the laugh. I think I love you.
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Experiencethedevine29
rustydidit wrote:


That is 100% the best thing I've read, and I've read everything, in the 10 months since my D-day.

On the runaway train that is recovery and reconciliation, I often feel I want to ask the AP for an apology, but, really what's the point? If she hasn't offered one, she clearly has moved on, doesn't care about the disaster left in her wake, and can't see two inches beyond her own feelings, likely because her overexposed cleavage is obstructing her view of anything else.  She may not actually have any feelings except the pressing desire to be drunk and mostly topless on instagram. Such a fine young woman she is. Ew. Ew. Ew and Ew. 

So an apology wouldn't mean anything anyway. Because she is beneath poopy caka indeed.

Thanks for the laugh. I think I love you.


If she’s unable to see her feet because of her considerable blossom, you can almost guarantee that any conscience she might have once possessed is buried in there somewhere, never to see daylight again, which is why she perhaps perceives she has the right to shag whomsoever she pleases without it.

No need to even spare a thought for someone who evidently thinks tits make the world go round ..🙄... 

ETD🌻
Expectation is the root of all heartache.. ’Will Shakespeare
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anthropoidape
For what it's worth I got a written "apology" from my wife's AP. His behaviour had been reprehensible, not the affair only but the behaviour post d-day. Really disgusting and ignoble.

His apology was all about his feelings. His wife had just had the police remove him from their home and he wanted me, I think, to intervene with her as he was forbidden to contact her by court order. Even at that juncture all he could express was his own feelings. Even in relation to his kids it was all about him and not them. 

To give some credit, I told him that if he really wanted to make amends he should never contact me or my wife again for any reason or in any way, and I believe he has stuck to that so far.
Maybe it is okay, maybe it will be okay.

BS, d-day Feb 2017, 16 mth affair.
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Experiencethedevine29
anthropoidape wrote:
For what it's worth I got a written "apology" from my wife's AP. His behaviour had been reprehensible, not the affair only but the behaviour post d-day. Really disgusting and ignoble.

His apology was all about his feelings. His wife had just had the police remove him from their home and he wanted me, I think, to intervene with her as he was forbidden to contact her by court order. Even at that juncture all he could express was his own feelings. Even in relation to his kids it was all about him and not them. 

To give some credit, I told him that if he really wanted to make amends he should never contact me or my wife again for any reason or in any way, and I believe he has stuck to that so far.


That’s the rub isn’t it?

It’s always ‘I...me...I’m sorry BUT...

Not sorry at all...what these individuals are begins with an S, but it definitely isn’t ‘sorry’.

That would involve conscience.  In its absence one can behave so abominably and skip off into the sunset leaving a trail of devastation that for those who have one, beggars belief, no?

ETD🌻
Expectation is the root of all heartache.. ’Will Shakespeare
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anthropoidape
I do believe people can change and I don't wish the rock-bottom that he was heading for at last check on anybody. Anything is possible but in his particular case I am not quite big enough to think much about his prospects of redemption (okay, if I try hard, I'd still have to say "slim").

Objectively, more generally, I imagine there are some wonderful human beings out there who do a lot of good in the world and who are quite unselfish,  who were once rotten bastąrds and destroyed marriages, but who faced their past behaviour and became better.
Maybe it is okay, maybe it will be okay.

BS, d-day Feb 2017, 16 mth affair.
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