Crushed
How do all of you make it through Valentine's?  It's such a huge trigger for me.  It was my favorite holiday beside Christmas. I cant stand all of the commercials. I cant stand all of the shows celebrating how much their husbands love them.   It's just wrecking havoc on my emotions. 

 
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ThrivenotSurvive
The first year I just went full media blackout.  Seriously.  I listened to books, podcasts and watched Netflix.  I stayed away from all social media and TV.  Given that our anniversary is two days after Valentine's Day, it was especially difficult.  By year two I was able to focus on the progress we'd made and did a bit better, but it was still hard.  Each year has been easier than the last.    

If you can't ignore it (because of kids etc.) focus on celebrating completely different kinds of love - love for your kids, friends, parents etc.  It helped me that even as I grew up my mom never treated it like a specifically "romantic" holiday but rather than one to celebrate love in all its forms - so I used that to focus away from romantic love until later.    
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
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hurting
I stayed away from all the media coverage, florists etc too. But treating it differently- to celebrate the love of your parents, children, friends is a good idea. Giving something new meaning when you cannot escape it is one way of managing it. 

My MC said to me re: dates and triggers... ‘try to treat it like any other day. Attach no specific significance to the day. Treat it as a day you have no expectation of, rather than a day which used to mean a lot and now you have lost’. That helped me for awhile on anniversary dates etc. they are still hard, but I found that worked for me in the early days.
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ActaNonVerba
One of the things my therapist has encouraged me to do is develop and strengthen more strong female friendships. I like the idea of Galentine’s Day, inspired by Leslie Knope from Parks and Recreation. https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2017/02/each-day-is-galentines-day/516408/
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beach5
So my DD was January 4th.  The affair began in July.  My husband had not seen the AP since August 11, when her husband caught her. They stopped communicating August 19th but she reached out to him in December and then "ended it" 12/31.  Her husband reached out to me 1/4.  

My WS has been extremely remorseful and consistent in that remorse.  He has gone to individual counseling and we will be going together soon.  We have been able to have some wonderfully tender moments and somehow, we actually had a very nice Valentine's Day.  He asked if he could take me out to dinner and made reservations.  It was lovely.   I keep hearing my therapists words in my head like a mantra:  "be in the moment".  If I remind myself to do that it helps keep intrusive thoughts at bay.  
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