BBG
Ironsides1 :  finding the right counselor is tough. We had been seeing church counselors, where my WH wasn't admitting to an affair, when I caught him, then he had to and it was way out of their area of help. I found Tim and Sharon on a google search, and probably like you, absorbed all that they have to offer. Tim recommended a book by Linda McDonald, who just happened to live an hour from me, so I called and spoke with her, Linda recommended someone who was just a few min away who turned out to be wonderful! Unfortunately, my WH didn't want to see her after I had a private session with her, so it has been a ongoing search to find someone local to help. I guess I shared all of that to say check out the locations of some of the resources you have found to be helpful. Write or call them, and if they aren't local then maybe they know of someone that is.  
Howevet, finding a counselor that is going to ask the tough questions and address character issues with your spouse is extremely difficult. I think I can relate to you in saying that if there was someone who would have asked the hard questions regarding his blame shifting, lack of empathy, contradicting morals, and his overall blaten dishonesty, then maybe our marriage could have been saved.  In heinsight, I don't know what faith or belief background you come from so I hope I don't offend you, but for me the  best indicator of weather or not there was real hope in repairing our marriage was weather or not he had surface sorrow, or Godly sorrow. Surface sorrow is usually more about being sorry they were caught and how can they reduce the amount of painful consequences for themselves. Godly sorrow is what's needed for a honest heart change, that's the kind of sorrow that no one else has to motivate, and comes without blaming anyone else for the pain they have caused.  That's what I waited almost a whole year to see, but he never acknowledge fault without also blaming me for his actions.
Sounds like you two however, are on a much better recovery path - I wish you so much peace over this, I have seen you on here before and look forward to reading positive updates from you.
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TimT
See this link and the PDF download at the bottom of that page: http://www.affairhealing.com/affair-counseling.html
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Allthatremains
How important is marriage counseling for a couple struck with infidelity but trying to make things work. What would be the down side of skipping counseling?
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Keepabuzz
I think none is better than bad counseling......  I think it is invaluable if it’s good, do the research and find one that specializes in infidelity.  
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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Allthatremains
We are in a very tiny community. Jot sure if there is much choice. Would that bad counseling isn't worth it. Did you go to couples therapy?
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anthropoidape
We had a couple of sessions of joint counselling. They were bad and worse than none. And this was a counsellor recommended by my IC, who was quite good! 

I am still interested in some good joint counselling as I feel our communication is still not right; we are either just skimming the surface or fighting. We are not having a good in depth discussion except about very safe subjects. There is stuff I need to say (presumably stuff she needs to say too) that needs a third party to moderate it. But I am pretty sure we won't do it because I feel the risk of bad sessions is too high. 

I tend to think there is less risk of bad counselling with separate IC for each of you. Thinking about it, it would be a much simpler job for the counsellor. Someone who can handle two people at once fairly and sensibly and actually get them somewhere would be fairly rare. And of course it's not like people leave reviews very often. 


I have read some good stuff about marriage retreats and the like. I think they might be a safer bet, but I imagine they are not cheap.
Maybe it is okay, maybe it will be okay.

BS, d-day Feb 2017, 16 mth affair.
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