I've never posted in a forum before, but I could really use the support of this community. I'll try to keep the story short, but I'm really confused everything.
Question: For those who have had a wayward spouse leave for an affair partner and return home to you, how long did it take? Is there some advice you can give me on how to encourage my husband to come home?
My husband of 5 years left me almost 5 months ago for his affair partner (a coworker from a past job and someone we were both friends with). He was the best friend I've ever had (he said the same the day before he left) and we have so much in common on so many levels. I was in complete shock that he had an affair with someone with little in common with him, especially since it had gone on at least on an emotional level for almost 2 years. I'm even more shocked that he left me, but her divorce from her husband was recently finalized so that might explain the timing.
He said he wanted a divorce, but he also said he still wanted to stay "friends" and continue to do things together like garden, etc. I told him that was not possible, but the door was still open for our marriage. At my request, we had no contact for the first month (so that I could move forward mentally and physically). After that he wanted to get together still, and I wanted to show him there was still potential for our marriage so I agreed to meet up. Since then, we've gone out together and had a good time almost every week (happy hours, concerts, dinner). He still hasn't moved out all of his things and only mentioned setting a date once. He can't file for divorce for another month and that has not been discussed either.
Two weeks ago I told him that I still remain open to reconciling our marriage so he knows that we are not "friends". He told me that he wants to continue seeing me because he enjoys spending time together, not because he's trying to make up for his guilt. He expressed genuine remorse and encouraged me to share the pain I feel too so he's starting to acknowledge the pain he's caused us both. He told me that he's very depressed.
But, he's still with his affair partner and I have reason to believe that he's moving in with her this week.
Despite what this might sound like, I'm not putting my life on hold waiting for him to come back. But I really would prefer to move forward in my life with him as my husband.
Has anyone gone through something similar? I'm asking for a general time that it took your wayward spouse so I can remind myself to be patient with my husband and more importantly patient with my own healing process.
Thanks so much!