BorealJ.. Sorry you've ended up here.
Although my wife didn't express things the same way as yours, I felt affected by the same problem - just when you are at your absolute lowest and most in need of support, you are somehow supposed to be this groovy happy cool dude who is fun and exciting to be around. It is impossible of course. I actually can't answer your question - I do not really know how my wife sees me now. It does seem like she is here to stay though. The problem of being "attractive" in this horrible situation, or even having to try to be, is I think why people do "the 180". In other words, becoming self-focused and taking care of yourself and your wellbeing rather than focusing on the WS and hers. I did not exactly do the 180, at least not on purpose, but basically reached a point where I said you have my support while you get yourself ready to move on properly. In your case it sounds like you have some good reasons to think her overall outlook might change quite a bit as she comes out of fantasy land and re-engages with how the real world works. So you can afford to give it time and in the meantime get yourself well and strong. Spend time with kids, including without her, be active, get fit, do stuff. Meanwhile your wife will be sorting through stuff and either she will get back to reality or she won't. Her eventual attitude might be one you can love with or one you can't live with. She has not yet seen through her own bullsh!t. She most likely will do so though. You can see that she is more likely to make her way back to you if you are (a) being good to yourself and the kids and (b) there to support her. In time you may not care what she thinks about you at all. But for now, while it still feels like it matters to you, bear in mind that seeing you being an awesome dad is the single most attractive thing for a mother. It also happens to be your best medicine and good for the kids. Sorry, I have rambled a bit. Short version: look after yourself for now, be the man you want to be, assume her views are nowhere near final, and give things a bit of time for now. Revisit in three weeks.
Maybe it is okay, maybe it will be okay.
BS, d-day Feb 2017, 16 mth affair.