I read once that the trouble with revenge is that enough is too much.
I had some revenge fantasies, nothing much though. Because there were kids involved on both sides of the affair - and I knew and cared for the AP's wife and children - my energy was heavily directed at trying to save both families. I think in retrospect that this was a coping mechanism; focus on saving everyone rather than being focused on myself too much. The AP made this very hard though. Wow did he behave awfully. Toward everyone, even his children. He just kept digging deeper into the BPD playbook. Or throwing infantile tantrums. In the end I didn't need to get revenge as his wife had him removed from their home by police. He contacted me and said he'd had to go to a homeless shelter. I think he wanted me to speak to his wife on his behalf as I was the only one who still didn't stink by then, but he'd burned too many bridges, with me and with her. In one sense I wish him luck. I mean I'd like everyone to be happy. But at the same time, he is the epicentre of some big changes in me. I never experienced true, vindictive enmity before. I never before knew firsthand that there are people whose idea of right and wrong is so malformed that "right" is anything they want, and "wrong" is anything in their way. With such people if you are in their way you are wrong and they hate you. And before him, I had never really had firsthand experience of a person who I honestly, dispassionately, believe would improve the world by dropping dead - nobody would be worse off without him and quite a few people would be better off. Even though I had dealt with actual criminals at length I'd never really felt anyone I had encountered had that kind of negative net worth. Now, I see that there are plenty of people like this, that there are people who really fail when push comes to shove, things get serious, and their loved ones need them to step up. I never had any serious revenge thoughts but on the day we had a confrontation at our kids' school and he started talking about "all the things I've had from her that you've never had", I came close to killing him. I feel as though if I had thrown one punch I would not have been able to stop. Luckily I guess I just found him too contemptible. That's the AP. I have joked to myself that the only wau to get revenge on a WS is to wait ten years or so then cheat on them. But I don't even really think about it. I have no impulse toward revenge that I can detect and never did. I have thought about other women but not as revenge, just as getting on with my life and making a fresh start. That is fading too. For a while after d-day I felt quite unmoored, not quite single but less constrained. And I do meet a lot of women through my work, often around my own age. Never did anything or even flirted or acted differently but felt more "available" and aware of potentialities. I think that’s only natural and I don't feel guilty about it. It is fading as my wife and I reconnect. Otherwise it would be a bad sign.
Maybe it is okay, maybe it will be okay.
BS, d-day Feb 2017, 16 mth affair.