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surviving
Integrity 1 - I am sure you thought of this, but you need to block her from your social media, and get the children to do so also.  My children have even blocked her children and any family members related to her.  If they are blocked, you can't even see what they post.  It will free your mind tremendously.
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Integrity1
Greyes, 4 months is brutal!  I remember the physical agony, but I promise you it will get better. The emotional roller coaster is a horrible ride none of us wanted to take, but in TIME you will gain control again over yourself and emotions.  It goes from "The Hulk" ride to the "Caterpillar" at the fair.  You still get on sometimes, but it wont' get you so worked up, and it doesn't last as long.   And you are correct, not worth our time or attention. We need to save all our energy and focus on what matters.  Ph: 4:8 "Whatever is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable.  Think of things that are excellent and worthy of praise." --God teaches us what to focus on and think about to keep our minds and hearts healthy. That's why it's so important to stay focused on the NOW, and the good that has come from it.  The good from the humbling, eye-opening, life-changing or whatever experience we had.  There is good that emerges from the rubble. "He will work all things out for the good of those who love him," it's called faith. The three essential life principles for me are, FAITH, HOPE, AND LOVE.  Truly, without this what do we have. "And the greatest of these is Love."

Surviving, we were never friends on social media and all our stuff is set to private. There are ways around that stuff, as I have learned.  Put it this way, anyone can look at anyone's stuff if they know the way in through the back door.  All my husband and I post now is how in-love and happy we are, sappy words of affirmations, and what a great marriage we have made....so let her look right!

Had a good talk with a good friend yesterday. Basically on DDay she was "dead to him," and I never gave her the time of day after that day we spoke.  That's where she needs to stay...in the grave.  Not going to give her anymore of my thoughts by thinking about what she's talking about us.  She needs to get a life...her own this time. <3
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Keepabuzz
I watched a movie called “The Gift” on Netflix. I won’t ruin it for anyone. It’s a pretty good movie that has nothing to do with infidelity. But it does have revenge in it. I have watched a few movies over the last couple of years, where revenge was the theme. I love them! Long drawn out intricate plans. Some taking years to come to fruition. I need to not watch them though. Makes me want to make a plan!  Lol
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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anthropoidape
I read once that the trouble with revenge is that enough is too much. 

I had some revenge fantasies, nothing much though. Because there were kids involved on both sides of the affair - and I knew and cared for the AP's wife and children - my energy was heavily directed at trying to save both families. I think in retrospect that this was a coping mechanism; focus on saving everyone rather than being focused on myself too much. 

The AP made this very hard though. Wow did he behave awfully. Toward everyone, even his children. He just kept digging deeper into the BPD playbook. Or throwing infantile tantrums.

In the end I didn't need to get revenge as his wife had him removed from their home by police. He contacted me and said he'd had to go to a homeless shelter. I think he wanted me to speak to his wife on his behalf as I was the only one who still didn't stink by then, but he'd burned too many bridges, with me and with her.

In one sense I wish him luck. I mean I'd like everyone to be happy. But at the same time, he is the epicentre of some big changes in me. I never experienced true, vindictive enmity before. I never before knew firsthand that there are people whose idea of right and wrong is so malformed that "right" is anything they want, and "wrong" is anything in their way. With such people if you are in their way you are wrong and they hate you. And before him, I had never really had firsthand experience of a person who I honestly, dispassionately, believe would improve the world by dropping dead - nobody would be worse off without him and quite a few people would be better off. Even though I had dealt with actual criminals at length I'd never really felt anyone I had encountered had that kind of negative net worth. Now, I see that there are plenty of people like this, that there are people who really fail when push comes to shove, things get serious, and their loved ones need them to step up. 

I never had any serious revenge thoughts but on the day we had a confrontation at our kids' school and he started talking about "all the things I've had from her that you've never had", I came close to killing him. I feel as though if I had thrown one punch I would not have been able to stop. Luckily I guess I just found him too contemptible. 

That's the AP. I have joked to myself that the only wau to get revenge on a WS is to wait ten years or so then cheat on them. But I don't even really think about it. I have no impulse toward revenge that I can detect and never did. I have thought about other women but not as revenge, just as getting on with my life and making a fresh start. That is fading too. For a while after d-day I felt quite unmoored, not quite single but less constrained. And I do meet a lot of women through my work, often around my own age. Never did anything or even flirted or acted differently but felt more "available" and aware of potentialities. I think that’s only natural and I don't feel guilty about it. It is fading as my wife and I reconnect. Otherwise it would be a bad sign. 
Maybe it is okay, maybe it will be okay.

BS, d-day Feb 2017, 16 mth affair.
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solost
so sorry, i'm a bs too. best wishes to you
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Keepabuzz
I had tons and tons of revenge plans. All were aimed at my wife’s former AP. Not that my wife didn’t share equal, if not greater blame, but she was working to fix things (as much as possible). Luckily for him, and likely me, he was out of the state for 2 months when she confessed. So not easily accessible to me. If he had been on d-day, there would have been no stopping me. The 2 months of time where I literally could not get to him allowed me to gain enough control of my rage to not go after him when he came back. Although I heard through other channels that he was watching his back closely when he came back, because he felt sure I was coming for him. There were still a handful of times where the rage was winning, and I had to call a trusted friend to talk me out of going after him. Remind me of all the consequences that I would likely endure, and very likely my children would endure if I did go after him. The one thing that scared me the most was that, much like Anthro, I was fairly sure that if I ever did, I would not know when to stop. I was honestly afraid that I might kill him. That level of blind rage is tough to deal with, the utter lack of control.  I have not laid eyes on him other than one time when I brought my wife lunch to her job, long before d-day. 

Funny story. About 2 weeks after he came back, so about 2.5 months post d-day. I was not home, I was running errands. At this same time, someone smeared dog poop all over his windshield and shoved it under his door handles. One of the women (child 23) from the store he worked at, and my wife previously worked at called my wife and asked if I had done it. My wife asked me, and I was pissed.  I told her “I am a 40 year old grown a$$ man. The last thing I’m going to do to that piece of shìt is put dog poop on his car. That is what kids do. You know kids like him, that are 23 years old. If I decide to do something, which I very well may, I assure you that it will not be some sneaky childish prank. It will be in person, there will be no words, and he will leave that place in an ambulance or a hearse! Now call the other CHILD back tell her what I said, and tell her never to call you again.” I wish him nothing but a long life of misery. I hope he falls in madly in love with someone, has no children,  and she has an affair with his brother!!!!  I would pay a substantial amount of money to watch the fallout. I would sit back and enjoy a big old box of popcorn, and have the biggest smile you can imagine!  
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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