My BS said to me a week ago, "Stop comparing us to other couples, we are not like them." this was said after I shared with her that of all my reading of "affair healing" and “rebuilding your marriage” books, the testimonies of couples reconciling and getting back together, couples did 'this' or 'that' to heal. The one thing I am really wanting out of this is how can I help my BS in the healing process, if she refuses any of the helps or things I do? I get it, I caused the damage and according to "How to help your spouse heal from your affair" by Linda Macdonald, she states that it is my job to help heal her and it will seem awkward. I am doing all the things to help heal but her behavior is, “You are the last person on earth I want to receive any of your healing.”
She moved out 4 months ago, the day of D-Day and started coming to the house on the weekends but only because our church ministry is closer to my home. Call me blind, an idiot, or maybe stupid, or Captain Obvious, people keep telling me that her willing to come to the home over the weekend is her healing process, her not filing for divorce is a sign of wanting to work on the marriage, her talking on some level to you is progress. But my feeling and her actions towards me feel like they are not and I end up responding the opposite of healing. I am trying to ride this roller coaster but like the rider who wishes they could get off on the initial climb or the first twist, I am sometimes that rider. But it is too late, I said I am in it for the long haul. Just wish she could convince me of the same. I would love to hear the words from HER mouth, "I want to work on the marriage." It's my kids who tell me that she makes those kinds of statements. Then why is her actions the opposite?