gst2018
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anthropoidape
It might be too late. It might not. All you can do is stay the course and see. Marriages have ended for less, and marriages have survived worse. 

Sorry there is not a lot more I can think to say.
Maybe it is okay, maybe it will be okay.

BS, d-day Feb 2017, 16 mth affair.
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Vanessa
My personal NON professional opinion is that you have damaged your relationship beyond repair.  Not only did you lie to her for 4 months, you risked her health, her financial security and her emotional well being AND THEN after all that - you were incredibly cruel to her thereby deepening the already huge wound.

I think if you want a chance to be with the woman you claim to love it is time for your actions to speak louder than your words.  People may disagree with this but I think you should separate.  Give her space; give you space.  If you really want this marriage, while you are separated you do not date or screw other women.  You go to counselling.  You work on you.  You offer your wife help and support from a distance. You plan to get together for coffee in 6 months and see where you are re: the relationship.

Imagine that you have two dogs.  They get along fine for years - then one day one snaps and there is a huge fight and chews up the other one.  They both require extensive vet care and their wounds will take a long time to heal.  Would you leave them alone in the bathroom to recover?  I would not, I would give them each a separate space where they could focus on healing without being worried about more fighting.  Then you slowly reintroduce them.  I am NOT trying to say you or your wife are dogs - just trying to use an analogy that may help you see the type of recovery required.

Your marriage is OVER - you may or may not get a chance to have a new marriage 2.0 with this same wife, but you have to recognize that what you had is irrevocably broken.  Right now her love for you is probably pretty darn broken as well.  BE a new you that she would want to fall in love with.
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anthropoidape
Yes, I often think that the brave and right thing for a cheating spouse to do is leave and give space. Especially if you can see that you are making your betrayed spouse miserable 24/7. 

In some ways I think my wife should have done that. She was after all the biggest, walking, talking trigger I had. However we stayed together, at times just for the sake of the children, and it is working out slowly now. If there is an appetite on both sides not to split, then maybe run with that but still give plenty of space. Be prepared to have your presence required, then your absence required.

When you are not there, check in and say where you are and what you are doing, not necessarily as if reporting in but still, giving the info. I remember one occasion that illustrates this; I was just not doing well one time when my wife was at the gym. I had no reason other than the history to suspect anything and all reason dictated that she was at the gym. I mean I knew she was there. I texted her to say, "hey, can you check what brand the punching bags are?". I had been talking about buying one. She texted me a photo of a punching bag at the gym. It feels ridiculous but that proof, even when my fear was pretty shapeless and baseless, helped a lot. 
Maybe it is okay, maybe it will be okay.

BS, d-day Feb 2017, 16 mth affair.
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