canadien2499
Hello guys So it seems I am to blame for her going to another man;

She says that I never treated her like a wife, she was being controlled for all her marriage life just like how her parents controlled her.
For background she came to Canada from India after getting married to me; I put her to study in College because I wanted her to progress career wise and improve her Social skills; She now says that I did not allow her to choose her field of Study; But from what I remember we scouted all the colleges and programs together and because she did not have high ILT score required for admission into college she was only able to qualify to one of the college and program; Why would she blame me for this?

When she started work I used to drop and pick her up from work for 3 years; this took extra three hours away from me, and I had to go to my own workplace on top of that; she now says anybody would have done that and is nothing special.

I used to clean dishes and house chores with her and she is remembering nothing; She says that all this things can be done by anybody; She says that I failed miserably when it comes to marriage but I just do not know what I did wrong.

She says she is judging me because how everybody saw me as a failure as a husband; but still I do not know what I did wrong; I supported in her study and her career and we went on many activities together and we were best friends from what I remember.

Would it be her responsibility to defend our marriage if her cousin asks her is she was happy? and why would it mean our marriage failed if outsider asked about our marriage status?

I never faulted or blamed her for anything that happened so why does she keep insisting that I am not good enough and I did not fulfill my responsibility?

She now starts saying that take a knife and just kill me; I just do not know what to do...

How do I make her see my worth and value?
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Vanessa
Hello guys So it seems I am to blame for her going to another man;

How do I make her see my worth and value?


The MOST important idea you can take away from this forum is that you need to make YOU see your worth and value.

What she does or does not see is not under your control.  Your WS has demonstrated by her actions an ability, a  willingness, a skill even, of lying to your face. Repeatedly.  So stop trying to reason with a person who lies.  She did a lot of mental gymnastics to allow herself to do what she has done.  She can keep playing this "blame the faithful spouse game" indefinitely.  Because she has years of imagined ammunition. 
 
You are to hold her RESPONSIBLE for going to another man.  Actions have consequences.  I don't know what your marriage/commitment was like, but mine said "forsaking all others, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live"  I have been defrauded into investing years of my life, (as well as substantial resources) into a lie.  Would you have spent all those extra hours commuting if you had known then that  she was screwing another man?  I would have made many different decisions if I had known that he was going to screw a co-worker.  And no I would not have done MORE for him - I would have done a HELL of a lot LESS for him, and done more for me.
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canadien2499
Problem I have is the Baby and a family;
I am currently living with my Parents and brother Family; As everybody is watching us daily;

Its hard to do 180 degree to save my marriage because my Mom gets worries and my wife starts big drama as soon as I go to sleep in another room; I have no one I can share this hurt because I am trying to solve this matter without making it public.

Do you have any tips I can use to make her see positive things about me?

She keeps saying all the wrong things like she can not control if she fell in love with him or for me to contact him so he can clarify what happened.

The AP has planted lots of lies and wrong Ideas in her head; So how do I get her out of things she is imagining in her head and making sense of her actions?

Should I tell her Parents about the affair? they will be heartbroken if I do that but maybe shame might bring sense into her actions.

She is saying that she will leave me if I disclose this information to close relatives as our name and reputation will be tainted.

What is the best thing to do if I am not divorcing her?
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triplehooks
I am so sorry for the cultural stigma.  I know it well.  But you didn’t do that.  She did.  Let her wear it.  Why should YOU carry the burden of living out the rest of your life with this rotten woman?  It’s not even your child!!

Play CSI, have OM served a beverage and get his saliva or fingerprint grease off the glass.  Or get his hair out of spouse’s car.  Get it DNA tested against “your” child’s DNA and email the match results around to all the relatives and then leave and start your new life.  

Start a blog to help other people stuck in cultural stigma situations how to break free from them.  Upsell an online course and make a few million.   Turn that lemon into a lemonade stand.  

If you stay to try and fix this woman you will waste your life.  
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hurting
I can only say this again... you did NOTHING to deserve this. You did not make her cheat or lie. There is NOTHING in the world that anyone can do to force another to do these things.

so why does she say these things to you? Because she doesn’t want to own the blame, that she was behaving like a loose immoral and terrible human being. She is not taking any responsibility for her actions. This shame is HERS to wear. Not yours. Stop trying to protect her. She did not protect you. She did everything she could to stab you in the back and kick you when you’re down. Why are you continuing to let her do this and believe the untruths she is spouting? 

Your family should be worried. About YOU. About your well being and how you have been treated. How you continue to allow yourself to be treated. From your previous posts, they know about the situation. Is that right? In that case I honestly cannot imagine your mother siding with the woman who cheated on her son. 

I have had to edit this post so many times because of the many unflattering words I keep wanting to call your ‘wife’. This woman is NOTHING. She is essentially a worthless lying piece of trash without a shred of basic human decency or honesty. Please stop listening to her and look inside yourself. Stop blaming yourself. It is NOT your fault!
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Corazon
Dear Canadian, I'm very sorry that this has happened to you. I see that you are a righteous man and suffering so much for something which wasn't your fault. You deserve to be respected and valued. I understand it's very hard to manage such situations in joint families. 
Your wife is very immature and a spoilt brat. You must tell her parents first. Yes it's going to hurt them but you must tell them. No need to tell your parents or anyone in your family if you plan on continuing the marriage with her.
Please remember, it's not worth continuing a marriage with someone who doesn't repent, because this situation will repeat by all means. She doesn't show any remorse rather she's blaming you. 
Your wife has cheated you and has had sex with another man. It's shows how wicked she can go against you. She has lowered her self respect and self esteem without valuing your love or your presence in her life. 
I understand everyone makes mistakes but accepting their fault and taking responsibility for their sin makes them human. Your wife is no where near Repentance. Very sad. I'm 100% sure your wife knows that you care for her and that you love her and she is important to you but unfortunately Women like your wife will never be satisfied neither can they offer true love or loyalty. She knows that you will never leave her. It makes me sad that you are married to someone who mistreats you. 
Your wife is blaming you for her sinful action? I know a lot of women who stick around and stay loyal even after domestic abuse and serial cheating. 

You don't have to share with your family members at all if you intend to stay in this marriage but I'm sorry to say that she will surely cheat you again because she doesn't care about your feelings at all. She doesn't hold true love for you at all. You must tell her parents if you want your feelings and your self respect to be boosted. Don't care if she says that she will leave you if you tell her parents. 100% she will not leave you and I can guarantee you that. I know about blackmailing woman. You are her only back up option. She has to become human. We can't allow her to be an animal all the time. She has to change for her good and for others
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