Illusion
How in the world do I recover from this?
~ 6 months ago he cheated on me while we were engaged
~ almost 5 months later we got married
~ 3 weeks after the wedding the other woman's husband called me because he thought I should know what happened... That was the same day our wedding photos were delivered
~ that night I confronted my spouse and he admitted it
I feel like the last six months of my life has been a masquerade. He allowed me to marry him in an illusion. He chose for me that the affair did not mean enough and that I would still marry him despite it. I guess now we will never know what I would I have done.
When I am able to look at the wedding pictures (which is almost never), all I see is a gullible happiness on my face. I vowed to a man I didn't know.
What do I do now???
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TimT
Illusion wrote:
How in the world do I recover from this? ~ 6 months ago he cheated on me while we were engaged ~ almost 5 months later we got married...

So, you've only been married a month? How long have you known him? Does he recognize how bad this is, or is he trying to minimize it? Is he willing to do get involved with counseling?

There's much to your story I don't know, but normally this type of behavior (cheating while you're engaged) is a predictor of ongoing problems. What do you want to do? How far is he willing to go to fix this?

(Have any other members experienced something like this early in their relationship/marriage? Your input would be valuable...)
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surviving
Illusion:  My husband left me on the honeymoon.  There was an excuse of why he disappeared and I believed it (stupid and naive was I).  Since then he has graduated to much worse things.  I have mentioned before what he has done, so I won't repeat it here.  BTW, he did everything without my knowing it.  I thought he was having an affair and I confronted him about it.  He said, "No, why would you think that?"  I believed him and the affair went on for another 13 1/2 years.  We are 20 months after DDay.  We are in-house separated.  I ask thousands of questions.  He tries to answer them honestly, but who can believe someone that lied for over 35 years.

I am sorry that you are going through this.  Obviously he wasn't ready to get married.  Maybe he thought that getting married would fix his sexual addiction (at least that is what my husband thought). 

So sorry!  Tears for you!
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Illusion
I requested we go to counseling...for him to get over his guilt and for me to work through my pain. He agreed. The first appointment is next Tuesday.
He sees it as a 10 minute mistake that he has buried and got over (on his own).
I can't stop thinking about the fact that he gave and received orgasm with someone other than me. I thought this was his gift that he shared only with me.
Now I feel like I am not special in his eyes because what he has shared with me, he has shared with someone else.
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Anna26
Illusion: 

I am so sorry for the pain you are going through right now.  This is a feeling that all of us in this community share with you whether the betrayal has been after an extremely long or short time together.  In fact it doesn't seem to matter about the length of time you have been partners, the heartwrenching, numbing anguish is still the same.  And to have this happen at a time so early on in your marriage, when this is supposed to be a time when you should be full of joy and happiness, is particularly galling.

Had he admitted this to you before you got married you may have been able to figure out what you wanted and whether his betrayal would have an effect on your future together.  I can't speak for him of course but it sounds as if, by NOT telling you, he was trying to protect you from the hurt you would feel, if you found out about what was probably a very stupid mistake.
It seems as though he acknowledges this by being willing to go to counselling with you and to be accountable for things and that is a positive thing. And despite him making the 'decision for you that the affair was nothing', I feel it might be helpful to try and figure out for yourself whether you would have agreed with him, whether you would have still married him, and use that as stepping stone to move forward.

You are not alone in feeling that the last few months were a complete sham, and that the person you married is not the person that you thought he was.  My own daughter said something very similar to her father! 
It is very early days for you in every sense, and you may still have something between you that is too precious and valuable to give up.  Only time will tell, and time is a great healer, thinking of you...
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Illusion
I have thought about what I would have done if he told me the truth before the wedding. I would have put off the wedding until I could say with confidence that I forgave him and that this affair was no longer a divide between us.
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HonestWife
Illusion, I am so so sorry. Infidelity is never good, whether youve been married 20 years or engaged but geesh, your story is so bad bad bad. I hate cheaters.


You can take my advice or leave it, but I would only go to a counselor trained in sex addiction to assess whether or not your wh is a sex addict. Here's why: I doubt this his first "bad sex " behavior in his life. And only only only if he joined a 12 step for sex addicts and truly worked on himself w self limits, accountability and counseling would I even think about taking him back.

I'm only trying so hard bc of my kids and I've spent over half my life w my cheater. I cry at night wishing I had never had kids w him , even though I am grateful for my kids, I hate him for doing this to us. I've read hundreds of Sa stories and spent dozens of hours reading about sex addicts. Has he ever had a porn problem?? Unless he addressed his LYING problem (it's one thing to cheat but then he lied to you and might not ever have told you unless ow man told you) with some serious serious counseling and his sex problem. Keep us posted!!
Trying to make marriage work after my husband's 15 years of affairs. Just found out. Currently in house separation.
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