I don’t have a lot to add. You’ve been given great advice and you are obviously moving to protect yourself and regain control over you life.
Three years IS a long time and for a variety of reasons would be a serious cause for concern. From his ability to be deceptive for that long to the fact that he’s unsure now would be things I’d think about long and hard before considering reconciliation. That being said - this is YOUR LIFE. Dig deep, take your time and listen to your inner voice. As others have said watch his actions rather than his words. But more importantly this isn’t just HIS decision. Even if he drops everything and makes a full 180 back to the marriage... keep reconnecting with YOU. Your friends, your hobbies, your values, your life. Many of us lost our self along the way - and without meaning to our marriage and partner became synonymous with US. So if we think our marriage is failing or maybe even dead - rather than see it as a relationship that has run its course - we see it as OUR failure. Something inherent in US that diminishes our value. This makes us cling to things that no longer serve us. I am not saying that is what you are doing - but it’s important to strengthen your relationship with yourself to make sure. When your relationship with YOU is strong, loving and deep - your decisions come from a healthy place. All of them. Keep doing the things you’ve been doing for you - and your path will become clear. Follow the others advice and guard your heart one way or the other. I didn’t start letting mine down until my husband had been showing me ACTIONS and commitment for a year or more. Be proud of yourself LittlebyLittle, you are moving to take your power back with every step - this is probably the most difficult thing you will ever navigate and you are doing it with grace and class. Hold your head high. His mistakes reflect NOTHING on your value and worth.
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child DD May 2016 “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl