Sunflower_dj
Had another run in with the AP a few weeks ago. This time my husband and I were out (with mutual friends of AP but they are not close). Some other friends that we have never met before also showed up. Keep in mind we live in a small town. So the evening is going well and all of a sudden my AP walks in with a friend and tries to join our group (apparently someone who is unaware of the circumstances invited him). As soon as he realizes we are there he leaves immediately. 

This is good - so I think.  However I have since found out that he was upset that my husband and I were there and he wasn’t warned And took it out on our mutual friend. Further to that, he told our mutual guy friends that he and I still have a thing going on and that we are still talking!!!! This is not true. We are coming up on one year post d-day and we have not spoken once since. We have maintained very strict NC. 

Last I had heard the AP is trying to reconcile with his wife. I cannot understand for the life of me why he would jeapardize that by starting a rumour about himself and me continuing an affair when we are not. It’s just not true! I cannot wrap my head around this one. 

My husband and believes that he may have used the tactic to try make our mutual friends uncomfortable so they will distance themselves from us. But I honestly don’t know. I wonder if in a round about way he is trying to sabotage my marriage and the progress we have made. It obviously puts some doubt in my husbands brain although he does know I haven’t been in any form of contact with AP. 

Thoughts? 
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Keepabuzz
Had another run in with the AP a few weeks ago. This time my husband and I were out (with mutual friends of AP but they are not close). Some other friends that we have never met before also showed up. Keep in mind we live in a small town. So the evening is going well and all of a sudden my AP walks in with a friend and tries to join our group (apparently someone who is unaware of the circumstances invited him). As soon as he realizes we are there he leaves immediately. 

This is good - so I think.  However I have since found out that he was upset that my husband and I were there and he wasn’t warned And took it out on our mutual friend. Further to that, he told our mutual guy friends that he and I still have a thing going on and that we are still talking!!!! This is not true. We are coming up on one year post d-day and we have not spoken once since. We have maintained very strict NC. 

Last I had heard the AP is trying to reconcile with his wife. I cannot understand for the life of me why he would jeapardize that by starting a rumour about himself and me continuing an affair when we are not. It’s just not true! I cannot wrap my head around this one. 

My husband and believes that he may have used the tactic to try make our mutual friends uncomfortable so they will distance themselves from us. But I honestly don’t know. I wonder if in a round about way he is trying to sabotage my marriage and the progress we have made. It obviously puts some doubt in my husbands brain although he does know I haven’t been in any form of contact with AP. 

Thoughts? 


He was likely embarrassed, as he well should have been. Then spouted off his mouth trying to look cool and save face. True colors, shining through.....
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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anthropoidape
All that springs to mind is that he thinks it's cool and bad-ass to still be trashing someone's marriage so he is pretending that's what he's doing. 

Alternatively is there any possibility your mutual guy friends have misinterpreted what he said? 

Either way, weird.

I feel a bit sorry for your friends, that they have to navigate this. 
Maybe it is okay, maybe it will be okay.

BS, d-day Feb 2017, 16 mth affair.
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Kiki
Jealousy?
Maybe his reconciliation is not going so well. Maybe he was trying to sabotage your marriage.
D-Day#1 Dec 19, 2017
D-Day#2 Jan 13, 2018
5 year “on/off affair”
Separated

Married 25 years, together 35
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anthropoidape
These kinds of people can have weird personality issues. I have noticed they are often people who have a strong need to be significant in some way. This means that if they can be the cause of some kind of drama or disruption they will do it.

They are also often types that do not view lies and truth like the rest of us. When they speak, they don't think "how do I express this as truthfully as I can?", they think, "what is the best thing to say to have the desired effect?" 

So now he has caused drama and everyone is all aflutter and it's all about him. That could be enough to explain it. 
Maybe it is okay, maybe it will be okay.

BS, d-day Feb 2017, 16 mth affair.
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Sunflower_dj
Kiki wrote:
Jealousy?
Maybe his reconciliation is not going so well. Maybe he was trying to sabotage your marriage.


I wondered if perhaps this was it. I’ve heard his reconciliation is not going well and he’s seen my husband and I happy together twice now. Perhaps he wants me to suffer the same punishment that he is. 
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Sunflower_dj
These kinds of people can have weird personality issues. I have noticed they are often people who have a strong need to be significant in some way. This means that if they can be the cause of some kind of drama or disruption they will do it.

They are also often types that do not view lies and truth like the rest of us. When they speak, they don't think "how do I express this as truthfully as I can?", they think, "what is the best thing to say to have the desired effect?" 

So now he has caused drama and everyone is all aflutter and it's all about him. That could be enough to explain it. 


He does have many qualities of a narcissist. He was very over the top dramatic about the run in, pulling so many people into it who didn’t even know about the affair.

My husband and I had just shrugged it off as it’s a small town and we know it will happen every once in a while. Walk the other way and ignore one another should be the approach. No need to rehash it....let alone lie about it. 
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arizons
These kinds of people can have weird personality issues. I have noticed they are often people who have a strong need to be significant in some way.  

I think this statement holds more truth then we even know!
Female BS, D-day 1/03/2017, 
I'm going to rebuild me like a remix,

and raise my soul like a Phoenix 
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Sorry
arizons wrote:

I think this statement holds more truth then we even know!


The essence of an affair is that it makes people "feel special" and significant. Often when that is taken away at AP resorts to all sorts of desperate measures to maintain that feeling of being special and significant. 

I hate to admit it, but it is QUOTE addictive and often people who prior to having an affair would hate been pretty level headed do and say some damn stupid things.
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MC


He does have many qualities of a narcissist. He was very over the top dramatic about the run in, pulling so many people into it who didn’t even know about the affair.

My husband and I had just shrugged it off as it’s a small town and we know it will happen every once in a while. Walk the other way and ignore one another should be the approach. No need to rehash it....let alone lie about it. 


My wife's AP is similar to this man you're describing. I knew him before the affair and pinned him as a narcissist years before the affair began.

Our circles are close and paths cross periodically. As the BS it is triggering, albeit less so as time goes on. 

The approach my wife and I have taken is known as "gray rock".   https://180rule.com/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/

When you don't give a narcissist attention, are utterly apathetic towards them and aren't fueling the drama that they seek, they get bored and move on. I really think this is the best way to defeat a narcissist. After all, what better way defeat an individual who requires to be the most important person in the room than by removing any evidence of their importance?

Male BS, D-Day March 2017
________________
Male BS
D-Day 3.15.2017


Taking care of myself, as we all deserve to do.
Encouraging all to bolster their: Emotional Health, Physical Health and Spiritual Health
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