Have you done anything to help your spouse feel safe with you again?
Yes, started marriage counselling, blocked AP on Facebook, am open and honest about contact with AP of it ever happens. Call and check up, and talk constantly. I constantly remind her how grateful I am that I get an opportunity to make things right again.
Who brings up issues of insecurity or trust more often: you or your spouse?
I would say it's her.
Does your spouse feel more secure with you? Learning to trust you more? Why or why not?
I don't know. I think so? I know it is too soon, and I know for a fact it's in the back of her mind (funny what happens when you just ask and don't assume...) but I try to make it so I set up myself to succeed. I talk to her now more than ever, and I don't hide my feelings.
I am showing her that I am working hard on me.
How long has it been (or how long did it take for them to begin trusting again)?
It's still too new, I don't think there is the trust there. I want it to be, but I think it will be a long while of acting with integrity and knowing who I am and actually authentically being me that will make my wife comfortable again.
Establishing boundaries and healing some inner child issues will help for sure.