OWnomore Show full post »
OWnomore
I may have missed something here but what gives yiu the right to show up at her home to give her a letter and some of his things.

@Crushed  Earlier in the thread virtually everyone agreed that I should write a letter to her to let her know what was going on in her own life.  That's what the thread has been about- *what* I should write etc.

To me it looks like you are just trying to insinuate yourself back into his life....You are making excuses for yourself and making what you did her fault by saying she wasn't sexual enough for him.

Not at all- I know he's a sicko and would never want anything to do with him again. I just was surprised that maybe something he said was not a lie after all.  Although it still could be of course.  Nothing about her would justify what he did or what anyone who was involved with him did.  He did lie his arse off to us all, but we should still have seen him as off limits.

Hopefully you will get counceling and leave her alone she does not deserve anymore hurt or pain caused by you.

I won't have any further involvement in her life if I know she knows what's going on.  I think she should know; though it probably won't change how she decides to live, at least she will have an opportunity to make informed decisions.

Maybe he's a sexual bully to her too, unless she's managed to get out of it.  If so, good on her.
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Crushed
"I won't have any further involvement in her life if I know she knows what's going on.  I think she should know;


And by what right do you think you can just keep interfering in her life until YOU are satisfied that she knows what you think is so important.   That is very self serving.  You are inflicting more pain on her for your selfishness.   Leave her alone.   Your feelings are your problem.  She has her own problems 
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Skelling
OWnomore ask yourself about your goal/motive to deliver this letter. I don't think anyone here agreed with playing postmaster and delivering the letter in person. The intent of the letter was to "warn" the wife of her husband not to cause further injury, insult or judgment because none of this she deserved but all three you are doing right now by judging her character whether she looks like a sexual person or not. I agree with Crushed here "you know nothing about her or her situation but make assumptions about her based on a split moment and how YOU would have handled that moment. What I have learned throughout my journey is that just because I would act or react in a certain way to certain situations doesn't mean the same applies to my husband/my parents/my children/my friends or strangers. Keep working on yourself and whether or not this woman read your letter, leave her be, she has enough pain in her life and deserves peace and the decency to be able to make her own decision in that situation without being judged especially by you. Start becoming obsessed with your own healing not hers.
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OWnomore
OWnomore ask yourself about your goal/motive to deliver this letter. I don't think anyone here agreed with playing postmaster and delivering the letter in person.

My theory was it would be better if she had chance to open and consider it by herself, rather than while she was lying/siting next to him etc, in which case it could be she reads about two sentences and he goes 'what's that?' etc.  Maybe you think I'm wrong but that's what I thought.

Start becoming obsessed with your own healing not hers.

Oh I am.  And there's a lot of it, especially after this 'relationship.' 
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Skelling
I can understand that you really, really want her to see him for who he is but manipulating the situation or her choices so that you feel satisfied, I feel isn't ok. Its not my place to judge your thoughts or feelings on that. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings and thoughts, but that also includes his wife. It is up to her, HER CHOICE, if she wants to know that info or what to do with it or how to handle the situation and her marriage, and what you feel or think about that frankly doesn't matter, because SHE is the wife not you. If she decides she wants to turn a blind eye, sees him differently, forgive him no matter how mindboggling that may seem.... that is HER life, HER choices and therefore HER consequences and you have no place in HER life, you never had it from the beginning. 

I know you are hurting and long for justice. We all do. Unfortunately with infidelity there is none, there is only hurt, loss, despair and pain and maybe with a lot of luck and hard hard work a chance to grow from it. I really hope you will find that for yourself. Nobody deserves to stay in this pain. Try and use your pain and insight to help others, who are trying to navigate this journey, maybe that will help you to find some peace with it all. best of luck to you. 
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