I am a WH. The original question of what goes through a WS mind varies. Doles the WS want to keep the marriage or throw it all away. My BS said to me a week ago, "You wanted to throw our marriage away, the kids away, the church away, your pastorate away, and me away by having an affair." That is so far from the truth. During the affair, for me, I thought I could hide it, but I forgot the Bible verse, Numbers 32:23 "But if ye will not do so, behold, ye have sinned against the Lord: and be sure your sin will find you out." Lo and behold, it found me out 1.5 months after it started.
Now what goes through my mind? For me, wanting to work my marriage, working on me, changing my behaviors that led to the affair, and proving to my family that I am working on the marriage. What also goes through my mind is, "My adult children are there for me, but my BS is not." My kids love me (they do say they love me), my kids help me with the areas of life I lacked that my BS performed like the shopping, buy my clothes, and question my schedule. Also what goes through my mind is, "Why is my BS not responding like the other couples who are reconciling together?" I get it, every couple is different and I guess I can chalk that statement up to my BS is different. It has been 4 months (2/11/16) since D-Day, she moved out of the house, leaving me and our adult children here and she lives with our oldest daughter, her husband and our 2 grand children. But so far, of all the couples I have read, they say that they want to work on the marriage, but mine has not said that statement. My kids have told me she said it and I believe it, but why do her actions show different? I have been reminded by my pastor and children, "She has not filed for divorce, she talks with you, she still works in the Deaf ministry with you, AND she invited you to fly down to CA." Is that, 'I want to work on our marriage."
Then a final thought of what does the WS think such as me? I know the answer to this question, but I am hoping that some insight from someone that did reconcile, will we go back to what we were before the Affair? Probably another topic on this question.