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HangingOn
My codependency tendency blocker...

Not my circus, not my monkeys.

I have to tend to my own monkeys and leave my BS monkeys to them if we want to combine them for the show to go on successfully.
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ThrivenotSurvive
I love many quotes by Viktor Frankl.  The one in my signature was something I relied on frequently in the early days.  I have always been fascinated and inspired by stories (such as his) of those who could retain their compassion and humanity even in the face of cruelty.  

But there is another saying that I can only paraphrase because I have no idea where I read/heard/saw it.  But it has stuck with me and I found it powerful -

Your worth is not based on another's ability to perceive it. 

Or said a different way, If someone has a Picasso and doesn't know it - it doesn't make it any less valuable.  
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
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Keepabuzz

I listened to a Joe Rogan podcast today. His guest was a Special Forces Green Beret soldier. I’m ex military, I wasn’t Slecial Forces, but I worked with them on occasion, so it interested me. I listened to him tell his story of going to Afghanistan multiple times, and the last time he got blown up. He had lost fellow soldiers (brothers) over there as well. He talked about how his legs were gone below the knee, and had lost his testicles as well. He talked about he didn’t have kids and never would now unless he adopts, but his brothers that didn’t come home did have kids. One had three, and another had four. He had devoted his life to the caring of his lost brothers families. He was upbeat and seemed happy. He talked about the first year after his injury, all the surgeries, his divorce, the pain, the depression. Then he talked about how when they were on their way over to Afghanistan and General Mattis (former secretary of defense) AKA The Warrior Monk, had spoken to his team. He said, and I paraphrase “You will see and experience terrible things over there. You all may not make it home. You have 2 choices when you get back. You can choose to let your experience make you hard, and cold, or you can choose to let this experience make you more compassionate, more empathetic, a softer, better human. I implore you to take the second choice. We have all heard of the saying to treat others as you would like to be treated. Well you also need to treat yourself as you would like to be treated, and that is where many of us fail.” This soldier said those words came back to him after the first year of his healing, he was at rock bottom. Those words he said lifted him from the bottom of the barrel, and helped him to heal mentally and emotionally. I love the whole quote, but my favorite part is this “treat yourself as you would like to be treated”. I know I fail with this. I have very high expectations of myself, I need to show myself more compassion, not feel sorry for myself, but truly so me the compassion that I so freely give to others. 


I hope this helps one or more of you as much as it did me. 

Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
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Bgreen
“A Saint was asked: “what is anger?”
he gave a beautiful answer:
”it is the punishment that we give ourselves for someone else’s mistake” -unknown

And, 

“She’s proof that you can walk through Hell and still be an Angel” -r.h. Sin 

Female, BS 21 months post DDay
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ThrivenotSurvive
Thank you both for sharing.  I think I may have heard or read at least a part of that speech, Keep.  And it moved me.  

Long before this experience I always admired two very specific traits - related but not the same.  

The first were those who could stay true to their values and beliefs even under extreme duress - when all common sense said to play by the normally accepted rules - and yet they held fast. 

The second were those that could endure hardships that would break most people’s spirit or make them hard and bitter but instead became stronger, kinder and wiser for it.  

The strength of character that it takes to embody either of these traits is something I admire and respect. 

Very, very early after DD I made it a goal to watch movies, read books and study people with these qualities relentlessly because they seemed to be the greatest examples of true courage I could find. And I needed courage - and a LOT of it - to even attempt to rebuild a life with joy and love and even ( God forbid) trust in it. 

I now surround myself with quotes like General Mattis’ to remind myself that while I cannot choose what adversity I will face in my life - I can completely control how I choose to incorporate it into my life story, the meaning I give it, and how I allow it to change me. 

This was the gift I gave myself - the “ treat yourself as you would like to be treated” part.  Because the one thing I could not imagine allowing my WH or the AP to do to me, was to make me into someone I didn’t like or recognize.  

Thank you for sharing that.  It was stuff like that I clung to like a life raft in those early years. 
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child
DD May 2016

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl
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Phoenix
This story is amazing Keep. I believe we all have the capacity to be happy, compassionate, love, and thrive if we choose to. It’s all in us. 
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Jennifer
Just saw this on Instagram and really liked it:
"Time does not heal all wounds. Time simply reminds us that for some wounds, we must find a way to carry them so that we may still walk open-heartedly into future versions of ourselves."

So true for all of those healing from infidelity.
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