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Negarcia
speedracer wrote:

I alway want to give people hope because I've always had hope and probably will for a long long time, but I can tell you that my now ex wife has been gone for more than a year and a half now.  We lost our family pet this past Sept and it didn't phase her one bit.  We've missed 2 Christmas's, birthdays, holidays, family traditions.....(and we were totally into those things)  She hasn't pined once for any of them...........

I can't remember if I wrote this earlier, but I have to speak with my daughter everyday when she is not with me. I have to tell her goodnight - how was school, etc.... when I am out of town, I still have to do it, I love her and my son very much (son is older and going out on his own alot - and he lives with me)  My ex wife, not so much... She never calls or even text my daughter when she is at home with me and her brother - nothing........

I'm rambling on and on.....
Take care of yourself, don't loose hope, but then don't sit idle either.... 

Hang in there,
Speedracer


I am so sorry that she gave up her family for a few years of "fun or freedom" but it sounds like she had all of that with you! I am not divorced and still somewhat have hope as well but I question myself as to why I have hope and why I would want him back! It is soo sad that she hasn't seen her kids, sounds like my H! Even if I am away for work or vacation my first and last call or text would be to my kids.  He goes days without contacting them and my kids don't feel the need to contact him either. Maybe one day they will realize all they lost for something that was missing inside them.  But I am happy for you that you continue living your life even if it still hurts. 
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speedracer
I need to make a correction on my long post...
The vice president of the company and the vice president of sale were both at the company she worked for.
The vice president of the company was the one she moved a few doors down from in the townhouse...

Speed
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SadAndLonely
StandingMan wrote:
Hi Speed...
I just found this site, and sadly, like many others, my wife left me for another man that she is in linerence with, and our divorce was official a few days ago after year of me fighting to save it. Your story and others is almost exactly what we went through (still going through!). I am only on the 2nd page of this thread, but I had to reach out to you and commend you on your fight!  Stay strong my brother!  Even though my divorce is final, I still hold hope that she may realize the incredible family we built and want to restore our family. All the divorce means to me is I can’t save the existing marriage... but god willing, we can save our family and start a new life together. I look forward to reading this thread and hope to continue to find inspiration and maybe even inspire others myself. 


I feel you StandingMan!  We are in the divorce process and with as much drama and pure crap that he has put me through, I still hope for restoration in our marriage.  I sometimes feel silly for hoping for this but it's a feeling that just doesn't go away.  I hope one day, he wakes up, ends his affair, and realizes the pain he has put me through.  I may never see any of this but one can hope.
BS: Married 8-1/2 yrs, together 13
Separated 6/11/17
D-Day 3/10/17
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gamm3000
StandingMan wrote:
Even though my divorce is final, I still hold hope that she may realize the incredible family we built and want to restore our family. All the divorce means to me is I can’t save the existing marriage... but god willing, we can save our family and start a new life together. I look forward to reading this thread and hope to continue to find inspiration and maybe even inspire others myself. 


StandingMan -  As you may have read, my wife and I were divorced almost two years ago after she left me for her affair partner. But I continued to reach out to her and leave the door open. Eventually, she realized it really would be possible to survive this and put our family back together with work and God's help. It was difficult for her to hurt her AP so badly after everything she went through because of all the pain she caused me when she left, but she did leave him and came back to me. Nine months later we were remarried. Dealing with the past is still hard sometimes, but overall we have a much stronger marriage than we did before the affair. I truly hope your ex-wife will come out of the fog at some point and your story will have as happy a turnaround as ours did. 
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StandingMan
Hi Speedracer,
I am sorry if I brought up old feelings... I didn't look at the date of your last post before I responded... It was just that your story is so similar to mine that I had say something.  It's amazing to me the strength I see in so many people, yourself included, that helps me hold onto the hope of starting over again with my XW.  Thank you and stay strong.
Standing for my marriage... and falling down a lot!
BS: Married 13 yrs, together 15:  2 boys 9 & 13
Separated 4/2016
D-Day 9/30/2016
Divorced 1/2018
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speedracer

StandingMan,

With me - you never have to worry about bringing up old feelings - they haven't really left and
I'm pretty sure that they won't.  I'm glad to have gotten back on to hear about gamm3000's update.
Reading stories from current WS who really want to reconcile with their BS and also stories from those who have divorced and gotten back together give me a little hope....  

I have read stories where the WS divorces their BS and is so mean and cruel with no regards to the history they had with their BS or family -

Mine has never come clean, and distances herself from anything to do with me, kids - 

For a long time, I was on every forum about WS, midlife crisis, affairs you could find.
Reading over and over again perspectives from WS and BS - 

Not that I am hoping for a "movie" ending where we will get back together soon, but I do think
that if some of the WS who initiate a scorched earth divorce can come back, maybe just maybe
my quick - low key divorce initiated by my ex-wife may have hope in the future - 

Before my situation, I never gave affairs or divorce a 2nd thought....  I just thought that people who had affairs
or cheated on significant other was not people of character or morals...
I also don't remember divorce/affairs being so publicized.  I can't turn on a movie or tv show anymore.  It always has to do with an affair, a divorce - and its almost glorified now days...  Kids will be ok - everyone is gonna be ok.  I just turn it off - Even Church's tolerate affairs - and divorcing so you can screw your boss, coworkers, or neighbors.... My ex wife all of a sudden started going to one of these very modern and HUGE non denominal Church's who constantly talk about forgiving yourself - they will preach anything.  They tell the adulterers and the "unhappily" people who divorce that it's ok.  Its ok to be selfish and destroy your spouse, children, family, friends - whatever...  If you get a bigger house, a better job, a better looking person that makes you happy it is all Gods plan - he has a plan for you... 

I have to say this though, I do go to Church, but not very often.  I went with some friends to a Church I never been to before - that day the Pastor spoke to the people who wanted acceptance and justification for their affairs/divorces.  He made it clear that unless you lived in danger (physical abuse), with a drug head or alcoholic you had no right to have an affair or divorce - He said you need to fix yourself by investing in your marriage - I was floored and happy at the same time...

It bothers me that todays society don't think twice about affairs - who cares?   Society certainly don't seem to mind
divorces that rips families apart.  This became apparent to me when our neighbors and mutual friends didn't try to
talk my wife out of what she was doing (some of them knew what was up) instead, they came over and helped her move - they helped her carry things out right in front of our kids -   needless to say, I have no respect them what so ever....   I hope there is a Karma God...

Sorry again - went off on a tangent.
Speed

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