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HonestWife
AHmember17 wrote:
It's amazing to read all these posts from a woman's perspective, and look at my own story with my being the unfaithful spouse, and seeing how very similar the situations are. The lonliness, is killing me, the uncertainty is driving me nuts. Counseling sessions help a bit, but with no feedback from my wife, whom I try to remain in constant contact with (probably a bad idea), I feel completely helpless. It doesn't help things either when my family, and the few friends I have tell me to just go ahead with the divorce and move on. Will that actually make me feel better ? No, I really don't think it would. I think about her night and day and all kinds of things pop into my head. From the good times we had, to what happened in the affair, to is she still with the other man, and is she ever going to want to work on a solution for a better marriage. This has been going on for a year and a half now, and I just want some relief soon.



It is really hard and no one knows what they would do on this sitch until it happens to them.

My Rec is to work on yourself --with or without your wife. Time will tell what will happen w her but you want to be your strongest no matter what.
Trying to make marriage work after my husband's 15 years of affairs. Just found out. Currently in house separation.
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TimeToFly
AHmember17 wrote:
It's amazing to read all these posts from a woman's perspective, and look at my own story with my being the unfaithful spouse, and seeing how very similar the situations are. The lonliness, is killing me, the uncertainty is driving me nuts. Counseling sessions help a bit, but with no feedback from my wife, whom I try to remain in constant contact with (probably a bad idea), I feel completely helpless. It doesn't help things either when my family, and the few friends I have tell me to just go ahead with the divorce and move on. Will that actually make me feel better ? No, I really don't think it would. I think about her night and day and all kinds of things pop into my head. From the good times we had, to what happened in the affair, to is she still with the other man, and is she ever going to want to work on a solution for a better marriage. This has been going on for a year and a half now, and I just want some relief soon.


I'm sorry things are so difficult for you right now. It's not easy dealing with all of this on a daily basis & I can understand where you want to feel some relief from all of it after a year and a half. I think you are in a tough place if you're getting very little feedback from your wife. That's probably making it much harder for you. 

I think that family & friends often say what they think & feel would be best for us but they don't really understand the situations that we are in & how difficult it is to make decisions & especially one that involves divorce. My divorce didn't make me feel better & I think it's because I never wanted it to happen. However I will say at least I felt like I was able to make a decision regarding my life & how I was going to continue to live it...with or without my husband as part of it. 

Do I miss all the things we shared...absolutely. I think about all the memories that we had over the course of our marriage & it makes me sad to think we won't have any more together. I was telling a close friend today what a huge void there is in my life. I'm not sure I will ever be able to fill that void but I'm just starting to realize I've got to try & make other plans for myself & find another path to go down. This is very hard for me & I'm not sure how well I will do, but if I don't try then I'll never know if something might have been waiting for me on that other path.

I believe that you might benefit from setting up some boundaries. I had trouble doing this but often think that if I'd been firmer & set those up I might have had a better chance of things working. I'd also say less contact with her might be a better approach. I let fear rule too much of what I did & didn't do & in the end what I was most afraid of...losing my husband to another woman...well, it ended up happening & there was nothing I could do to stop it. I stayed "stuck" for a very long time in a marriage that was essentially over. Hopefully you will find the strength that you need to make the best decisions for your situation.
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