ssix6pack
I just wanted to share this recent progress. My husband and I went to see a comedian, granted a “Christian” comedian, but I knew there may still be some topics that could be sensitive. 

Less than half way in, a scantily clad restaurant name was mentioned. In the recent past, that was enough to throw me over the edge of sadness. 

My husband was immediately impacted by it. I could see his posture change. He felt a lot of embarrassment, and I know he was trying to figure out what to do to help me. 

But, I had learned recently that no thought goes back in the way it comes out. It either goes back in with more power (ie: the thought AND the memories of how it caused anxiety) or it goes back in less powerful. 

So, I dissected it. I acknowledged that it brought up painful feelings, and fear. But, the joke itself was *anti* said restaurant, not in celebration. That is my husband’s shame. Not mine. It was a funny dig. It wasn’t dangerous to me. It wasn’t leading my husband down the road in joy, but a shameful reminder. 

And, I think I managed to reduce that particular triggers power, and I had fun! 

And, to top it off. I’m starting to feel beautiful again. I’m losing my fear of comparison. He’d be silly to compare us. She may be younger, but that’s no accomplishment. There is much about me for him to delight in, inside and out.  And, more importantly, for ME to delight in and embrace.
Betrayed female
2/11/18, d day #1. 
1/2019, d day #2.
Over a decade of unfaithfulness. 
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Laurajean83
That's amazing.  Did you share that with your husband?  How a trigger has been lessened? Just curious.  

And the whole post was beautiful, and encouraging.  So thank you for sharing that! 
WW, Dday 7 months ago

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.  Who can understand it.  Jer 17:9
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ssix6pack
Laurajean83 wrote:
That's amazing.  Did you share that with your husband?  How a trigger has been lessened? Just curious.  

And the whole post was beautiful, and encouraging.  So thank you for sharing that! 


we actually haven’t talked about it yet. We have had the flu, and had just gotten better in time to see the show. We were gifted another date night (tonight) and I planned to let him know, if not tonight, then likely on Thursday when we have our weekly check-in. 
Betrayed female
2/11/18, d day #1. 
1/2019, d day #2.
Over a decade of unfaithfulness. 
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ssix6pack
I told him about it while on our walk. I also asked him something I’ve been wanting to ask, if this was the longest stretch in our marriage that he’s gone without intentional seeking, or freely indulging in, lustful thoughts. He said yes. He also said that as a result his “mental wiring” feels entirely different. He feels more satisfied sexually. More content. More joyful. More excited about the small things. More respectful, even in his desire for me. Less, “I want to jump my wife tonight”, and more, “I can not wait to be with her”. Overall, it was an excellent talk. I feel very thankful tonight for the progress we’ve made. 

What a horrible decision he made. What pain he brought on me, on us, on himself. But, these little glimpses really make me think we can have a successful ending. 
Betrayed female
2/11/18, d day #1. 
1/2019, d day #2.
Over a decade of unfaithfulness. 
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anthropoidape
That's great to hear. 
Maybe it is okay, maybe it will be okay.

BS, d-day Feb 2017, 16 mth affair.
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TheFarmGirl
That is wonderful that you feel you are making progress getting past the triggers, that you are winning over them. 
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TheFarmGirl
(And heartening for those of us who might be in the depths of triggers), thanks, 
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