wareagle Show full post »
Negarcia
I understand and stand for my vows as well and don't want my marriage to dissolve. My husband is still with the OW but he thinks he can have me and her and it's not happening. I love him with all my heart but same thing he is not a drinker but started that and also has tinkered with drugs. That is not something I condone but I told him he needed help because I can't do it for him. He thinks this OW is the best thing ever but I know her flaws are much greater than mine but she has no ties to him like kids, bills or anything. During his affair with her he bought me a car renovated my kitchen all while telling her that he couldn't afford a divorce, he could have if he would have never bought a car or renovations. He bought the car and the renovations before Dday, but was already in his affair. I also pray every day and night and read Jesus calling by Sarah Young everyday to get me through the days.it has helped me a lot to have the big guy guide me and I put my trust in him. It's hard but has helped me tremendously. I told him I'm not waiting forever and I'm not a doormat because he thinks I am. It's crazy..
Quote 0 0
sunflower07
Mavrik86 wrote:
Negarcia,

I understand your feelings.  I love my wife but hate the person she has become.  She will admit that what she did was wrong but it is almost like what I did was so much worse.  I spied on her and I did go on a dating site and went on a couple of dates one time each.  I realized that that was not what I wanted.  She has unfriended her AP on Facebook and she was not talking or texting him for months before she left but I believe she has either reconnected with him or she has met someone else.  Her best friend is an alcoholic and to put it bluntly looks like she has been road hard...... and she has.  I just hope this is not what happens to my wife but there is nothing I can do but pray.  She has grown children and has been free to do what she wants as well.  My MIL just seemed to be so mad but his woman left her kids when they were young teenagers and younger to go out on the road with her husband because he was a cheater.  All of my friends are telling me to move on.  My oldest daughters friends all told me this weekend that my wife was crazy and she had it so good with me.  I believe the only reason she is pushing for a quicky divorce is there IS someone else.  I don't see any other option.  Could there be another reason?  I can't even look at her anymore.  It hurts too much.  I hoped that she would listen to the vows our daughter took this weekend and it would maybe have an effect but it doesn't seem like that is the case.  I am standing for my marriage because I am a christian and I believe in my marriage vows.  I just don't know if I can wait forever.


Mavrik86,

I've wondered all along if your wife was still with her AP. It would explain her personality change. She is still in the fog.


I'm so sorry! You sound like such a great guy and dad standing up for your daughters.

I hope you are able to move past this find happiness again.
Quote 0 0
wareagle
Sunflower,

Back in September 2015 my wife told my daughters and I separately that she was no longer seeing her AP.  When I was spying it seemed that her AP was pushing her away.  I know from my phone records that they were not talking or texting until she left in November.  She unfriended him on facebook.  Now she maybe seeing him or someone else.  She put the song on Facebook HOLY by Florida Georgia line the other day with a statement... For you.  Seeing someone makes sense.  But if she is still seeing her AP it is not going to be good.  My oldest daughter told her back last summer that he would never know her husband or her kids and if she wanted to see her they could meet somewhere but He would never be welcome at her home.  This daughter is not my biological daughter but is my wife's.  I guess that shows how much she cares for her Daddy.  I believe that my wife is still in the fog.  When I tell people that my wife and I had not problems prior to this people don't believe me but it's true.  We had a great relationship.  Something happened around the time her daddy died but I do not know what happened.  I do believe that her friends in her hometown have manipulated her as well as her mother.  My daughter told her that everyone tells her that her mom is crazy because she left her daughter during her senior year of school.  I know that she does not like that.  This AP was a truck driver and he had a motorcycle.  Her girlfriend also has a harley and my wife has become a harley girl with wearing headbands and wearing harley shirts.  Her AP looks like is is 10 years older than her and is a nasty looking man.  He is not an attractive man.  I believe that she is gonna come out of this fog.  She will see the destruction that she has caused.  I just hope it isnt too late.
Quote 0 0
wareagle
I have a question.  If my wife is not seeing her AP anymore but is now seeing someone different is she still in the affair fog.  We are still married and she is acting way out of character.
Quote 0 0
Negarcia
Mavrik86 wrote:
I have a question.  If my wife is not seeing her AP anymore but is now seeing someone different is she still in the affair fog.  We are still married and she is acting way out of character.


It's a new person so she might be feeling the same kind of excitement. Going by your story if her mother left her kids when she was younger and it doesn't seem she came to her senses, she might be telling her daughter that it was the best thing for her to act out. Also my counselor told me when people express that they don't want to be like there parents, because they focus so much on not being like them they usually end up acting just like them. My husbands mother had multiple affairs and my husbands father was a truck driver and never around for him or his siblings. My husband is now acting just like them even though he said he never would.
Quote 0 0
wareagle
My daughter told me tonight that one of the things that her mother told her the other day was that did she expect her to stay at the house when she was afraid because I threw keys at her and slammed a gun on the bed.  Now this is what happened during these 2 events.  One day we were arguing about our relationship and why she was not stopping her EA.  I took out my gun and put it on the bed and said,  This is was I think about doing to MYSELF every day.  I am getting this out of the house so I can not hurt myself.  Did I have those thoughts.... Yes.  Would I have done it.... No because I loved my girls too much.  I was hoping to make her understand how bad I was hurting.  Then a few months Later I asked to use her car because my car was in the shop.  She gave me the keys but got mouthy about using her car.  I was going to get my daughter and I something to eat.  I said can I take the car or not?  She told me just give me the keys.  I walked back into the bedroom and threw the keys.  As soon as I did I immediately said, I am sorry. I was not throwing those keys at you just throwing them.  I regret both of these incidents.  I would never hurt my wife or abuse her.  She knows that deep down.  Our friends all know that.  It's funny that I immediately got the gun out of the house and even after the key incident she lived in the house and slept in the same bed with me for another 4 months at least.  This is an excuse.  If she was really scared she would have left immediately.  Sometimes when we would argue (not raising our voices) but just arguing she would be laying in bed.  If I stood at the end of the bed she would say that I was trying to intimidate her so I would lay down beside her and say I can not intimidate you laying beside you.  I was trying to make her realize that I was not trying to intimidate her and I would never hurt her.  
Quote 0 0