At the end of the day, I caused this. That's the responsibility. A word that I honestly had no concept of before all this.
I do want to grab some WSs and shake them out of the fog. If only it was that easy. I want to show them the little girl that cried for her mum tonight, and this dad couldn't console her. I want them to sit with other parents at school that know what went on. Walk through the shops and get the looks, the invitations that don't come your way anymore, and you know that rejection that you've given your BS by having the affair? It works both ways.
A WS in the fog can't see the gravity of any of this.
I can definitely relate to the looks and the gossip and the loss of friends and invitations. Probably a few hundred people know about my affair and blame me for the demise of my AP's marriage. I think my BS hasn't left because he doesn't believe in divorce and because he feels he played a role in the slow decline of our marriage (not to the affair itself).
I think all relationships are different, though. For some people, a one-night stand or an EA is enough to file for divorce and never look back. Fine, that is a valid choice. On the other extreme, some people don't require monogamy at all (although I would argue a healthy relationship probably does require fidelity/honesty). I feel only the people in a particular relationship know what they can work through, so it irks me to no end when others advise someone to stay or go. One thing that came out of discernment counseling was that my husband and I could agree on whatever kind of marriage or coparenting relationship or divorce that we want.