We also were still sharing the same bed & again I wonder why I didn't tell him to sleep on the couch. He really deserved the floor but the couch would have been the next best place. Instead he slept soundly while I cried myself to sleep or walked the floors so many nights.
My son always wondered how I could bring myself to even share the same bed with him, but it was out of necessity more than anything. There was nothing physical, no comfort in him being there, we would just turn or backs on each other and try and sleep. Well, he seemed to sleep like a baby, while I, like you, spent the night with it all going round in my head. It was the last thing I thought of at night and the first thing on my mind in the morning. And I used to get up a lot too and sit and think downstairs.
Now he's not there, I sleep better, whether it's the out of sight out of mind thing helping or just the fact that I have the bed to myself and can stretch out more I don't know!
Since giving him that ultimatum I've discoverd I'm not quite so afraid of saying what I think. I could be a bit quiet, reticent even about what I thought and seemed, with hindsight, to go along with whatever he suggested for the sake of a quiet life. I'm now learning to speak my mind more, but in a productive way. That said, I was never a pushover, I am as stubborn as a mule and have the determination to see something through.
But I really wish I could have seen more of what was wrong at the time. Isn't hindsight a wonderful thing...
Well your "sleeping situation" sounds almost identical to mine!! I can remember so many times looking over at him & he was on his Ipad & all I could think was he's emailing her from the comfort of our bed & home. Such a painful thought....
I have also found that I'm sleeping better. Some nights I still wake up & think about everything that has happened over the past four years but at least it doesn't keep me awake for the rest of the night. So I suppose that's an improvement. Plus when I look across the bed all I see is my dog stretched out & sleeping soundly!
I was also the type of person who was on the quieter side when it came to speaking my mind about things. I'd just let it go to avoid any kind of conflict. Now that's really not the case. I tend to speak up more & am much less tolerant of things than I used to be.