"I know I totally failed to set the boundaries that needed to be in place"
Well, thats me down to tee, that sentence. For long enough I'd put up with all his shenanigans, carrying on as normal,cooking, cleaning,washing, ironing. He went off walking on his days off work, while I was at work, and took his 'friend' along but I couldn't prove it at the time. Then he'd be at home at night, in my bed,(no spare room) until I finally got sick of it and gave him an ultimatum, end it or move out. Should have done it earlier but kept making excuses for him, thinking that it would be over soon, he'd come to his senses eventually. Talk about a cake and eat it scenario.
If and when he decides to come home, and it will have to be for the right reasons, he will get all the support he needs to help us work things out and eventually forgiveness too, but he has a lot to prove first!
Yes, I was continually making excuses for my ex. Always finding a way to excuse his behavior...now I wonder what was I thinking! I really feel though that when you are caught in this "affair storm" it's so hard to navigate your way. I kept getting "lost" in a sense.
We also were still sharing the same bed & again I wonder why I didn't tell him to sleep on the couch. He really deserved the floor but the couch would have been the next best place. Instead he slept soundly while I cried myself to sleep or walked the floors so many nights.
I applaud you for giving him that ultimatum. Well done!!! Again, something I wish I would have done. I can now look back & see that fear was a driving factor in a lot of my decisions but that's easier to see now than it was at the time.
I can only hope by posting some of these things that others will not only be able to relate, but to benefit in some way from what is shared.