Hi joss , I am totally in the same situation like you somehow I don't know what boundaries I should out in place to my husband , can you share with me ?
I don't know your situation but today i posted on another subject what happend to me today. And ill tell you alittle bit of it. I told him i had contacted his ap and she had confessed to me that they where infact still talking. So i confronted him about and he had no expression on his face. Didn't really say much but try to blame me for it again he said because he wasn't living at home still. He didn't know why he was still talking to her. He sound like a drug addict or an an alcoholic. Because he said" i can stop talking to her when ever i want to, i have done it before and i dont even talk to her everyday or all day like you think i do" To what i told him i know what you mean i feel the same way because you are not here im un sure of your commitment to us we are both on this ship that is sinking and WE are not doing anything to stop it from sinking..... You are more than welcome to come back home when their is 100% no contact with her! I love you and i want our marriage to work but i cant no longer allow you to mock me and our marriage. That was the boundary i set today and i don't know what is going to happen. But i have to work on my self for what ever the outcome of that bountry. I need to get rid of this knot in my stomach that i have been feeling again for this hole week. I hope this helps you in some way. Keep your head up and think of you. Set the boundaries and focus on yourself.(i feel alittle hypocritical because im telling you this but yet im not doing it) (sorry) but i am trying to get help on this. Hole this helps you in a way
I know it must have been hard to do this.
As a person who has been there before, I can tell you straight, it IS like an addiction, one that is hard to break.
In my case, it cake down to a choice, and the person I didn't choose would end up hurt. PERIOD. my AP tried to use that to keep me strung along.
I chose who I wanted and was supposed to. Therefore, I had to "disconnect" that emotional hose.
I smoked for 15 years, 10 of those a hard core smoker. I know what getting through an addiction is like. This was the same. I sometimes even catch myself thinking about her and the thought pops up to contact her covertly like through a text or something. But, I also know that it's an addiction and I'll end up right back to the square one, which isn't acceptable to me.
My attention is with my wife. Period.
Your husband has the same hallmarks. Even the same language.
i can stop talking to her when ever i want to, i have done it before and i dont even talk to her everyday or all day like you think i do
Change "stop talking to her" to "stop smoking" and you'll see what I mean. He's addicted.