Anna - yes totally agree with everything you say. In the end for me it was several things that led me to decide on ending the marriage, but one comment that someone said actually really struck me. They said you need to start standing up for what you believe in. So I asked myself, what do I believe? Do I think I should be enduring my husband's 2.5 year affair, doing all the fixing and letting him continue his affair? Do I believe I am so worthless that I should just put up with it time and time again? Do I want to bring up my children whilst feeling constantly stressed and anxious? The answer to all of them was of course NO.
It made me feel empowered finally, after years of feeling weak and out of control. I know I deserve a better life than constantly living with this pattern of him returning, making promises and then breaking them again. I admit I am very frightened of a future being a single parent, I haven't been single for 19 years. But the thought of being in this same situation another year from now was worse, and it just doesn't look like my husband is ever going to make the changes he needs to make to break the pattern.
Absolutely Fiona, it does make you feel as though you have taken some of your power back. And I think that strength comes from actually making the decision to change something.
It's slightly different for you in that your children are a lot younger than mine, that's a big responsibility even if your husband is willing to do his bit too. Even though mine are older, they still live at home and so I always have their interests at heart too.
But I admit to being rather frightened too, at the prospect of life on my own, (I'm not at the carpet slippers and knitting stage yet, lol,) it's rather scary when you have been used to someone being there 24/7. You begin to doubt what you are capable of alone. And we shouldn't because we are neither worthless or weak. For years I've felt like I have had no confidence or self esteem, I've been so absorbed in the well being of everyone else.
But now, it will be time for me, (and you). We are important and worth it and it may be difficult, but we will get through. And who knows what future we will create for ourselves?