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comingclean
I hope you can find a male BS out there that can give you some advice on how your BS is feeling and things you can say to get through despite his anger.  I am sorry I don't have the perspective to help with your specific situation.
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UrbanExplorer
My BS has known the scope of the affair since DDAY, plus all the details in a stack of messages my AP's wife delivered. He also knows I have talked to my AP on occasion (I am involved in AP's divorce case, not because I want to be). He asked me some things and raged about others, but he has generally not wanted all the details about every single meeting. We both do IC, did MC that made it worse, and have been in discernment counseling for about a month. We do talk, but we are not supposed to be confrontational outside of the counselor's office. We are supposed to keep it light and talk about the kids or things other than the future of the marriage. We didn't talk for about 12 or 13 years before the affair, so we are trying to figure out if there is anything to salvage. Or rather, I am. Rock bottom is due to my inability to recommit combined with a LOT of guilt about the kids. I was suicidal for a while.
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Graceandhope
Coming clean- please be carful to not dump your guilt over what you did to the other family and the AP on your wife. That is not hers to help you with. And it will cause additional pain for her.

You may think your AP is a good person that made "poor choices" too. She made the choice to have an affair with a married (father?) that is a choice, you somewhere in your mind know it could end at any time if found out ( I know none of you think you'll get caught but on some level you know sh!t will hit the fan when found out) you and your AP had the chance to make informed choices. You took the risk that things between you would end badly.

Lastly, even if you mislead your AP (not saying you did) you WIFE was there first . She's been there and deserves the conscidration over the other woman.
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Guiltguilt
The ripples from an affair are just awful. I feel terrible for what I did to my wife and her family, as well as the APs husband and family. I don't take any responsibility for the AP though. There were two people in this illegitimate relationship.
Urban, to be happy to be alive again, wouldn't that be nice.
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comingclean
Thanks G&H, I will remember that.  I am trying to be careful, but I do some stupid things or say stupid things at times and inadvertently trip a trigger.  Then it makes for a tough night.  We did a lot of crying tonight.
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