I read everything I could find on forgiveness, and still nothing really hit it for me. I wanted to forgive her (after 3-4 months). I knew I had to forgive her to find peace for myself. I do think it is a decision. I don't think that once you forgive her, that you relinquish your right to talk about and tell her about your pain, or your right to be angry, only your right to punish. Although I never felt the desire to punish her much.
I have forgiven my wife. The pain didn't magically disappear. The anger and rage definitely got a lot better, but the pain didn't get any better. The pain takes time, I still have plenty of that at 15 months out, but it has gotten better, or I just carry it better maybe. Someone on here spoke about "state of forgiveness". That makes sense to me. I have forgiven her, but I'm not yet living in the "state of forgiveness".... hope that helps
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....