KimD Show full post »
UrbanExplorer
This site is called "affair healing," and that path looks different to different couples. There is a lot of understandable rage and righteous indignation expressed here, but the question is, what comes next? We can all read Chump Lady and find lots of support for dumping a cheater, but some couples DO stay together, even when the path is long and has setbacks. The BS can say I'm right, I'm right, I'm right, and no one will disagree. But what comes next?

Some of you are crystal clear that you would have thrown someone like me out on the street for not being certain I wanted my marriage when my affair came out. Fair enough, but my husband did not feel that way at all. Sometimes we meet people where they are and not where we want them to be.
Quote 0 0
Negarcia
Urban
I agree I'm a BS and I also think everyone has a different path. I am one that has decided to try and work things out with my husband even though he did say he didn't know what he wanted and was lost.
Quote 0 0
Keepabuzz
Negarcia and Urban,

As I said above, to each their own. I'm certainly not making a judgement on when a BS should leave. That is a decision for each of us personally. Heck, I was one of those people that SWORE that if she ever cheated I would be gone in a heartbeat, but here I am. I only wanted to clarify, illustrate the utter cruelty of a WS telling their BS about how much they care about the AP, and that they aren't sure which person they want. I PERSONALLY would have chosen to leave, in that scenario but that is JUST ME. Anyone who chooses to stay in that scenario, I'm 100% fine with that.

To me it goes back to the WS making decisions to cheat, and all that comes along with that. These decisions greatly affect their BS. They do this without their BS's knowledge or approval. Then when the truth comes out, the WS is adding insult to injury to sit there and talk about how they care so much or whatever for thier AP is beyond cruel. Again "me" personally, I wouldn't have listen to a single word of it. But that is "just me".
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
Quote 0 0
Keepabuzz
UrbanExplorer wrote:
There is a lot of understandable rage and righteous indignation expressed here, but the question is, what comes next? We can all read Chump Lady and find lots of support for dumping a cheater, but some couples DO stay together, even when the path is long and has setbacks. The BS can say I'm right, I'm right, I'm right, and no one will disagree. But what comes next?


What comes next in my mind is a decision, or a series of decisions for both the WS and the BS. The difference is that this time when life changing decisions are made the BS should have all the facts, not the lies and stories they have been told.

Everything we do has consequences. If you cheat, a consequence could be that your spouse throws you out on the street. It could be that they let you stay and redeem yourself, and you have to live the rest of your life with them knowing how badly you destroyed them every time you look into their eyes. If you are the BS, you might throw your WS on the street, and regret it later, or you may never look back. You may allow them to stay to redeem themselves and they cheat again. It all may work out in the end and everyone is happy.

Every decision has consequences, that is what makes it so hard to make one in these situations.
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....
Quote 0 0
Negarcia
Keepabuzz
Really no offence taken at all [smile] we are all in the same boat in a sense but totally different at the same time.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Quote 0 0