I’m sorry that you’ve had to become part of a very wise collective who never expected to be here, but that wisdom and experience will buoy you up while you attempt to navigate the fallout from this sh*t storm. As awful as the situation is dear girl, unfortunately you DO fit in here, and you DO have people you can rely on to support and understand you. It might be remote but it’s real, and my goodness, we’ve all needed understanding haven’t we? As sad as it is, we’re a jolly good club when you need it!
It is indeed difficult for many to find support and comfort outside of this traumatic event aside from therapy. Mostly because, people tend to make instantaneous appraisals with limited knowledge. If you’re lucky enough to have a very close friend you can trust implicitly, it can make an enormous difference, but even then, your faith and trust in humanity has been so profoundly damaged that it may not be enough.
if there’s nobody to talk to, we look inward for resolution, and that comes with its own obvious pitfalls.
As already mentioned, you are suffering fresh wounds still bleeding, and for now, the most important thing you can do is actively take care of YOURSELF. Never mind what the twat is doing, his level of importance is f*ck all at the minute. He’s had his cake and eaten it too. W⚓️...😡
Keep in mind that this trauma sets off a chain of psychological and physiological events. The process of which is inevitable and as individual as we are, and each of us will go through them differently, back and forth and revisiting some several times perhaps, but go through them all we must to reach our own state of resignation. That does NOT automatically mean forgiveness or acceptance.
Be patient with yourself, you are in the early stages of grieving for a marriage you believed was whole, and I’m afraid that no longer exists. That doesn’t mean you can’t build a new one, but that is entirely dependent on the dick head and what he DOES to show you he is worthy of keeping, not what he says. His words mean nothing at the moment unless backed up by very real actions, and sustained culpability.
You don’t have to make any decisions today, tomorrow, or next year. You may decide it’s not worth it, or you may rebuild a stronger and better relationship. Those are always your choices to make.
The monumental thing to remember, and in doing so protect your sanity and what’s left of your self esteem while you make tiny steps to rebuild YOU is that there is absolutely no way on Gods green earth that ANY of this is your fault. We all go through tough times in our marriages, but shagging somebody else outside of it to problem solve is not the answer, and the twat who chooses to do it and their selfish CHOICE takes full responsibility no matter what effing horse manure they spew.
Tomorrow is another day my lovely, chin up.