I know exactly how you feel. I'm 14 months out from D-day. I felt just like you for a very long time. I slowly made progress to healing. But the progress was SO slow, I couldn't see it many times. It helped me to look back, not forward. Looking to the future was too hard, too many unknowns. But if I looked back, maybe a week, or maybe a month, maybe MONTHS, I could see it had gotten easier. Don't get down on yourself for feeling the way you feel 9 months out. Everybody's timeline for recovery is different, and it's never as fast as you would like it to be. The destruction caused by infedelity is unimaginable unless you have lived it. You can get through it though. As others have said, do things for you, just you. Take charge of your own happiness. I still have bad days, the time between them gets longer and longer, but I still have them. I have bad times, too. I had a rough afternoon today. Nothing "happened", I just got dragged back into the darkness for a while. Back into all the pain.
My wife has done just about everything right since d-day, and that has really helped me heal faster. It sounds like your husband is too. I never felt bad about questioning her about who called or texted. It's not my fault I don't trust her, she owns that. I don't ask very often now, it doesn't trigger me much anymore. As said above, trust is built with millions of small actions, and some big ones.
What helped me as well was talking to my wife about my feelings. Not really the thing most of us guys like to do. I learned that she didn't know what to do to help me. I would get triggered, she would have no idea what happened, and assume she did something wrong. I had to learn to open up, open up to the one person that every bit of logic in my brain said I shouldn't. So I promised her that every time I was triggered, or I was there physically but staring off into the distance, I would tell her exactly what was going through my head. Sometimes she didn't like what she heard. BUT most of the time, it helped her to understand how terribly she had destroyed me, and honestly gave her the opportunity to show remorse and show me comfort. It helped us reconnect.
Ask you husband to read "How to help your spouse heal from your affair". I read it first, than asked my wife to read it. It's a pretty short book. It was a HUGE help for her. It helped her to understand how badly she hurt me, how I felt, and what she could DO to help me.
Male BS, D-day July 2015, trying to stay out of the dark.....