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Well since I cant really find my way around the site too good Im gonna post a long post here. Sorry if its not appropriate. Ill keep it simple as I can.
We have been together 9 and 1/2 years. In early July I noticed her being different with her phone. Hiding it. Turning it off when I came to bed. Things like that. I didn't confront her until about a week later, and she just blew it off saying Im crazy. About a week after that I got ahold of the phone, and tried to look in it, but it was locked. She got mad, and said she wanted a divorce. I was beside myself. Devastated to the core. I asked her if there was somebody else, and she said no.
We went 3 or 4 days talking about how we would proceed with divorce. She wanted a non contested divorce, and I wasn't willing to sign that. I wrote love songs for her, and played them to her. I begged, and cried like a punk. I tried to reason with her. I got angry, and sad, and cold, and passionate, and was going out of my mind during that week.
Then one night her phone rang, and I saw that is was some dudes name on there. When I saw that she FINALLY admitted there was somebody else. I was hurt like I never thought I could be. I think I literally might have had a minor heart attack. She assured me that she was not attracted to him, and that it was only 2 dates so far in which they had "no connection". She said the divorce had "nothing to do with him".
The next day she announced that she was going on vacation to the coast, and I was left at home with the kids for 5 days. Time dragged by so slow until she returned. During that time I was on the computer ALOT, and found out that she had met this other dude on an internet dating site. Her profile said she was already divorced. I found the dude she was dating, and leaned everything I could about him. His facebook, and twitter, and address, and all that. He was/is married/separated.
When she returned she cried, and told me how she missed me. She tried to reach out to me, and hold my hand, but I was angry, and confused so I withdrew my affection. Over the next couple days we talked ALOT, but she always came to the same conclusion. "I love you Matt, but I don't want to be married to you no more". Id write another song, and play it for her, and she would cry, and say "Its too late".
A couple days later her phone rang while she was in the bathroom, and it was him. I answered it, and she came bolting from the bathroom and knocked it out of my hands. The phone broke on the kitchen floor. She was ANGRY as Ive ever seen her. The bottom line was that the guy now KNEW that she was married. She wanted me punished. She started hitting me in the face, (shes one of those chicks that thinks she can beat up men) and telling me to leave. Like an idiot I stood there, and let her hit me over, and over. I was just saying "you cant hurt me, you cant hurt me. Im already hurt in my heart. You cant hurt my flesh" Our son got my phone and called 911. When the cops got there they hauled me to jail. Even though I was all beat up. (bloody nose, 2 black eyes, busted lip).
She wrote me letters in jail apologizing, and telling me she loved me deeply. I never wrote her back. On my 21st day in jail I was served divorce papers. It took 33 days for my friends to bail me out.
A day after I got out she called me. She was crying, and telling me she loved me, was sorry, and don't want the divorce no more. She asked me at least 20 times IF I still loved her before I finally admitted that I always would.
The next morning I woke up to her standing by my bed (at my sisters house which is where I came after my release from jail) crying. She crawled under the cover, and started kissing me. We made love like we use to when we were newlyweds. She cried, and apologized. We held each other and talked. I asked the questions I wanted to ask. She said that all her and the other guy had done was kiss. Then she broke down crying and admitted they had had protected sex once. The devastation returned, but there was relief in her honesty. It seemed she was genuinely remorseful about it. She said when "she saw me after not seeing me for 35 days that she felt her soul reach out for me''. That she "knew we were soulmates". That she "hasn't contacted him in 2 weeks", and she "realized how wrong she had been". That she "wanted to spend her life making it up to me"
As the days went by each day we would be seemingly normal, until shed start crying out of nowhere. When Id asked whats wrong it would be another devastating confession. Each day we would be enjoying each other. She was jumping my bones like when we first met. She clearly lusts for me very hard. Then out of nowhere she would reveal a devastating secret.
Like she was living in his house while I was locked up. Letting our kids, and his kids play together. Meeting his family, and friends. Going out drinking (I didn't know she even drank). He was sending her flowers to her job regularly. He bought her a laptop. He paid off her car for her. They had sex more than the one time she admitted originally.
She would confess something, Id have my moment, and then forgive. She would fall into my arms, and cry while proclaiming how much she loved me. How good of a man I am. How blessed she felt to have me as her husband. We would go eat dinner, or to the movies, or the park, and she would come home to my sisters and sleep on my chest.
Then the day came when HE called her out of the blue. She answered and told him it was over, and that she was back with me. That "they" were a huge mistake. That her husband had proven to be the most caring, and loving man she could ever ask for. That the divorce is off, and so is the affair. HE responded by begging, and pleading to give him a chance to show her. He would build her a house, and support her financially for the rest of her life. She would never have to work again, and all that.
She stood strong, but for the next two days she pouted around staring at her phone obviously hoping to hear from him. She even starting saying things like "I read that some people can have 2 soul mates". "I had feelings for him too". "He is already set for life financially". "He showed me how a woman is supposed to be treated, all you do is give me orgasms". "He is going to become a long haul trucker, and you could stay with me while hes gone". "How do you know its not just sex with us?''
The bottom line is that she was thinking about him again. I couldn't stand seeing her sad about her affair ending. It was so emotionally damaging. It seemed like she was settling for me. I asked her if she wanted me to talk to him to get him to call her. She cried, and said yes. SO I called the guy, and told him Im done with her. That I wont have sex with her no more, and I wont ever find him, and beat him up or nothing like that. I just asked that he treat her right.
The next day she showed up crying at my sisters house. She was saying she made the wrong choice, and wants me for sure now. That she cant live without me. That she is not attracted to him, and is willing to ignore him forever now. That I have proven that Ill do anything to see her happy. That she needs me and sees that now.
So like a fool let her come in, and we made super together, and had a romantic evening. That night she started crying again, and made the worst, most heartbreaking confession of all. She came clean about 3 other men she had slept with over the last year. When she would have to work out of town her company would put her up in nice hotels. She would go to the bar, and go back to these random strangers rooms, and give her body to them. She says she don't know why she done it. She says she would go back to her room, and vomit while taking a hot shower. Furthermore she would emaili strangers off craigslist and have them send her dirty emails with penis pictures. She says its because she "was needing to feel sexy".
I don't even know who my own wife is anymore. Shes nasty. I never thought this was even possible. I feel like a dead man walking. Im in shock, and the worst part is that I STILL love the crazy woman. I don't think this can be fixed though. The images in my mind make me sick. I just wish I didn't know.
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Last night the three of us had a conversation about this whole situation on speaker phone. I have my closure, and me and OM both came to realize that she is just a liar. She been lying to both of us to keep this going, and when it came down to it she chose him. She defends him no matter what, and its clear that they built this affair on bashing me, and the wife of OM.
My wife IS starting to realize that she is the side chick though. He has been telling her that he has filed for divorce since they started this crap, and I was able to catch him in his lies last night, and expose that he hasn't actually filed. His excuse is that he cant yet afford it because he still pays her kids medical care. He got very defensive when I pointed out the double standard that HE expect my W to divorce me, while he remains married. He sees himself as a hero for being a great enough man to continue letting his insurance pay for his Wife kids. He calls his marriage a "useless piece of paper" and insist my wife is NOT a side piece.
I could tell that my Wife is starting to see that he is not as honest, and great as she has been led to believe. Still she accepts his b.s. in the end, and Im left to figure out what I must to to escape this nightmare. I have nowhere to go so I gotta find me a job first off, and then figure out who will tend the children
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