Do you have any other friends or family you can turn to? If you still feel this strongly after three years and you reactions to your WH are causing significant health reactions I would question if this is a relationship that should continue. Are you staying for your kids? I could certainly understand but it is clearly taking an undue toll on you. I don’t see the value in continuing a relationship where you can’t trust him to look after you when you are having major surgery. That level of care should be a given in a partnership. I know this doesn't help stem your fears but maybe this event is showing you something about your relationship that you need to consider deeply. If you really feel that way, I’d try to make other arrangements. Your health is too important.
BS - Female
Married 27 years, one adult child DD May 2016 “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - V Frankl